Thursday, December 22, 2011

Safety is safety, period

What Every Woman Should Know about Personal Safety is no different from what every Transvestite should know.  IMHO safety is safety, period.

Darren and Beth Laur write;  Have you ever felt frightened or intimidated when out walking alone?  Have you ever wondered what you should do if approached by an attacker?  Have you ever worried about becoming yet another home invasion statistic?

I have no doubt you can address each of these real life questions, but allow me to share my reality of growing up cross sexed.  In a word, and to put it simply, it was sad.

I had all the usual failings of the “normal” gender bender, my own family even felt I was a failure.  Having sex with a person of the same sex was looked upon unfavorably by them and was seen as a perversion.  It was me that was seen as the ill minded one and it was me who actually encouraged the perverts of my day.  I was an enabler of these sick minded sexual perverts because I was a willing homosexual participant.  My family did not welcome me with open minds or arms, I was merely accepted because I was family not because I was homosexual.

I lucked out and met a man who dressed me and made me look every bit the feminine doll.  I liked feeling like a doll and being treated like one by him too, I willingly accepted playing the female role for him.  I was often sent to heaven by the sex I would have with him and I went out of my way and fully expected his “perverted” sex.  I enjoyed my time with him.

Not unlike other T-girls in their fledgling stages, I wanted to be womanized.  I felt the need to feed my female self.  I went to places that I knew were unwholesome and unsavory and a bit dangerous but I was motivated by my hoping to become a sex victim, over and over again.  I wanted to be feminized and didn’t care if my family thought poorly of me. 

I was lucky to find men who were just looking for NSA sex and who didn’t mind where, or what, it came from!

Darren and Beth Laur also say that it’s unfortunate that we live in an increasingly violent society in which the fear of crime is ever-present.  Personal safety has become an issue of importance for everyone, but I think it’s especially applicable to that fledgling T-girl.

Want to carry the great equalizer, a gun, for personal protection?  You can buy one at any gun show and get a permit to carry it from your local police department.  Rather than learn self-defense and attend safety seminars that scare you to death but teach you next to nothing, I’d recommend using the internet and asking the police for your particular state’s statutes regarding crime.  And then commit them to memory! 

I mention this only because what can happen to you once you reach a court room is very different from the actual event which brought you there in the first place.  Many things, especially within the law, have a strange way of changing or taking on a live of its own.  Don’t believe me?  Be dressed as a woman and shoot someone!

According to Darren and Beth Laur the real issue for being safe is for the combination of reliable information which is coupled with the debunking of widespread myths regarding self-defense.  

‘Violence; A writer’s guide’ is not about writing technique, it’s an introduction to the world of violence.  It’s a book just for the parts that people don’t understand and usually get wrong.  It’s not JUST the mechanics of people who live in a violent world but how they THINK and how they FEEL about what they do and what they see being done to them by the local law enforcement.  How they understand it all is a real eye opener! 

‘Meditations on Violence: A Comparison of Martial Arts Training & Real World Violence’ and ‘Facing Violence: Preparing for the Unexpected’ are both written by Rory Miller and I highly recommend them.

I was particularly impressed with Rory’s Instructor Development Course training and his experience in Crisis Communications with the Mentally Ill.  His bio is very much worth reading!  He sounds exactly like any person who pays attention.

Contrary to popular opinion, and multiple movies, your first line of defense is not a few well placed kicks to the savager’s groin, or expertly blocking and ducking animalistic punches to your face.  When most people hear the term “self-defense” they think of exactly that, but true self-defense begins long before those actions would even scratch the surface.  It begins way before that!

The first, and probably most important component in self-defense is, awareness.  Awareness of yourself, awareness of your surroundings, and awareness of your potential attackers.  His likely strategies will not be quite so obvious. 

It’s a known fact that criminals primarily use the advantage of surprise and studies have shown that criminals choose victims who appear to be unaware of what is going on around them.  Sitting around a table laughing and drinking and talking about the man date you got last week should not be considered.  I’m also not so sure any of that “awareness” goes for the guy looking for a quick hook-up.  Simply by giving the “appearance” of being aware and by projecting a “presence” may avoid altercations which may be commonplace on the street.

If you are approached I recommend you listen to what the guy has to say.  Use your sixth sense or your intuition, whatever you want to call it, because it can be a powerful subconscious insight into situations and people.  All of us have this gift but very few of us pay attention to it, we usually let our own animal loose to do the negotiations and I recommend we don’t.  Learn to trust this power and use it to your full advantage.  Avoid a person or a situation which does not “feel” safe .. in truth, you’re probably right.

It is a good idea to evaluate the deeper goals and practical usefulness of any self-defense program well before signing up.  Your money is just as green as any other!

It was brought to my attention that Dr. Ruthless (you can just Google her) has You Tube videos on-line and she shows you practical, instinctive moves, based on speed and timing not power and strength.  I’ve not seen them but I’m told they’re well worth watching and learning. 

Any self-defense program worth its weight in salt should include simulated assaults with a fully padded instructor in a realistic rape and attack scenario.  This allows you to practice, in full contact, what you’ve learned.

What if the unthinkable happens?  You’re suddenly confronted by a person who demands that you go with him.  Size up the scene.  Does he have a weapon?  How many T-girls are with you?  How many men are there?  The place could be a car or a dimly lit alley, a closet in a building, or some bushes.  He might say he just wants to sexually use you for a few minuets.  You need to decide quickly.

While it would seem exciting to obey him, you must learn to never be alone and never leave the primary scene of the crime.  A worst case scenario is he may be very anti-trans!  Statistics show you are far more likely to be seriously injured if you go with them than if you break and run away, even if he promises not to hurt you.  Escape is always your best option.

Run away, yell for help, throw a rock through a store or car window (which you can easily carry in your purse for just this purpose!)  Bottom line, get an audible alarm going!  Do whatever you have to, and can do, to attract attention.  If the criminal is simply after your purse or other materials, throw them one way as you run the other.  While it’s a very good idea to run toward light and people you may not find any advocates there.

Unfortunately, no matter how diligently we T-girls practice this safety awareness we may still find ourselves in a physical confrontation.  We are, after all, men in dresses and some of us are looking for sex!  We willingly place ourselves in vulnerable positions with men and we’re almost always alone despite telling our fellow T-friends before hand.  Whether or not you have self-defense training and, no matter what your age or physical condition, it is important to know and understand that you CAN and SHOULD defend yourself physically.  You have both the moral and legal right to do so.

How far you take that defense is another issue!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Forgive me for being negative

Great intention for Emily and Heather, they ought to be applauded for their efforts.  The article I'm talking about is "Occupying DC's Metropolitan Police Department" and was posted by them in the Huffington Post on 11/1/2011.

My attention was drawn to the article by Stana, who I enjoy reading and blogs under the Femulate banner on here.  I read the article and wish to beg for forgiveness for being negative, I may also simply be naive.  To be sure, I'm not holding my breath.

So, what can one expect from MPD?  Only 3 percent of the DC Metro Police currently attend "sensitivity training", and asking why clearly answers the question.  Because the courses are optional.

It's my opinion, however, that if the courses were made mandatory, as suggested in the article, even at some additional expenditure of tax dollars many cops will NOT heed what is being taught.  They will simply attend.  I strongly suspect the mandatory courses will merely become ticket punches on the way up the MPD ladder.

Before you deny what I say, know this, I was an instructor for the US military for almost 5 years and this exact thing happens in all branches all the time!  Well intended, solid, war fighting schools of various instruction are attended, but wasted, on selected people and it happens all the time.  Don't expect to be told by just anyone, you need to ask that certain person in the military to know that what I'm saying is correct.

Bottom line, society is made up of humans and these humans are very well aware of the negative manner we Trans-persons are treated.  I think Jesus Christ occupies my mind right now as its been human to just not care for a very long time.

I'm just very thankful for Nov 20th, it will always be International Transgender Day of Remembrance for me, and my prayers go out to those we've lost.  I've lost a few good friends, too.

Friday, November 25, 2011

THE BEGINNING: a good place to start

At the ripe old age of 10 I was walking home from school and saw the most incredible thing.  At least, at the time, I thought it was pretty incredible.  The whole incident began by me hearing a 15 year old boy quietly talking to himself in a patio in a vacant house.  He was saying, "Come on, come on, oh yeah, I know your coming out of there".   He got my attention and I admit I was curious.

I couldn’t see who he was talking to and he was standing with his back toward me.  He turned around and what I saw caused me to become very interested.  I squatted down behind a small bush, I didn’t make any noise and I don’t think he saw me.  As I squatted I could clearly see him.  My mouth was uncontrollably dropped open and I began to drool!  No body had ever done that to me before.

I stayed behind my little bush and watched him.  My breath was ragged and fast, my blood pounded in my head and my heart was beating a mile a minute.  I couldn’t believe just looking at a boy’s private part could make me react this way!  He sat down on a dead tree in the “garden” of the patio pulling on his cock with some varied rhythm.  His cock was absolutely beautiful.  It was way bigger than mine and white as can be.  All the time he kept stroking and talking, stroking and talking.  He had his eyes closed so I'm sure he didn't know I was watching him.  I was actually staring at his hard-on and my drool ran uncivilly down the front of my shirt!

All at once, he said, “Oh God, yes!” 

He closed his eyes tight, smiled up to no-one, and let out a big sigh of relief.  I watched in great surprise as he shot all kinds of white stuff out onto the ground.  He shot then paused, then discharged some more, then paused and discharged still more.  His cream was every where!  He slowed jacking off and finally stopped.  His cock was still stiff and he flexed it.  More white stuff seeped out of the head.  From where I was hiding I couldn't tell much more than that but I could see his huge prick very easily.  It was enormous and standing straight up.  He took out a smoke and lit it up.

When his cock got soft he put it back in his jeans.  When he passed me he looked surprised as he looked down at me, I didn't dare move, he was much bigger than I was, and he asked what did I see?  I looked directly into his bulging crotch and told him I saw nothing.  He said, “That’s good, little boy!” as he lit another cigarette and walked away.  When he was gone I went into the patio to see the creamy stuff on the ground for myself.  I stuck my finger in it and it felt sticky.  It had no odor and it had no taste.  Yes, I licked it off my finger!  I left the patio and went home.

I never played with myself before but after what I saw I was anxious to give it a try.  Later that night I tried it in my bed.  I made certain my covers were up around my neck and took my shorts down.  I put my tiny penis between my thumb and index finger and began to jack off.  As I ejaculated on myself I must have made some happy sounds because my brother caught me doing it and told my mother.  I got into a lot of trouble that night.  She made me sit in a corner for a week after school rather than let me go out to play.  During this time I just kept envisioning Jimmy, I could see him really clear especially the joy he showed when he finished.  I now knew that same feeling. 

Maybe the woods was the place to go.  I'd check that out after I was off restriction.

I talked about jacking off with my friends at school in the play yard, but they weren't interested.  Obviously they hadn’t done that yet.  So my desire to do it just got worse.  Then one day I found myself in the woods alone.  I got the nerve to take my tiny dick out and began playing with it.  I finally got myself hard but I was still kind of small.  Another boy showed up and asked me what was I doing, I told him.  He laughed at me.  He told me I was doing it wrong.  I didn't know there was a right way!  He told me to kneel down and watch him, and learn.  I did as he told me.  He took his cock out and showed it to me with pride, it was much bigger than mine, and I was fully erect and he wasn't even hard yet.  I was trans-fixed on it.  Hypnotized almost.

He began to pull on it real slow and all the time he was telling me how he did it, slow at first and then getting faster and faster, until he was ready to "shoot".  I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I asked him to explain it to me.  He said he'd do better than that, he’d show me.  I kept watching him move his hand along the shaft of his cock, up and down, going faster then going slow.  Then he told me to move in real close and I'd see some creamy white stuff come out of the little hole in the end of his dick.  He said I needed to be real close, I moved in.  And he "shot"!

My immediate response was to block it but it was warm and kind of salty and it happened so fast!  It had no real feel on my face and only a strange and unfamiliar taste but it was not offensive.  All my sensations were searching for these things but I couldn’t find any so I took it.  It smelled strong of musk, but it was not unpleasant.  I was just kneeling in front of him and what I couldn’t get into my mouth was a cum mess all over my face.  He finally said "I'm sorry.", but he was laughing at the same time.

As I watched him drip semen from his erect penis he asked me how it felt spurting onto my face?  I told him what I felt.  I added it was kind of slippery, too.  I may have even told him I liked it.  As it made it’s way to my lips he told me to lick it.  I saw no reason why I shouldn’t, so I did.  I only tasted a tiny bit of it and it tasted like chicken fat.  He told me to use my finger to wipe it all into my mouth, he watched me do it.  Then he said, “Ya know what?  You should walk home with me.”  I did.

Once we got to his house he told me to wait in the kitchen, he then got some magazines from his mother’s bedroom and showed them to me.  They were filled with full page color pictures of women sucking men's cock.  He said his mother hid them.  He said it was no big thing and anybody could do that if they wanted.  He told me it didn't matter if the person sucking wasn't a women or not, he said, “You just have to want to do it, that's all.”  Then he asked me, “Would you like to do that with me?”  I told him maybe.  I said it was getting late and I had to go home.  He said I could take a magazine with me, but I'd have to come back tomorrow and give it back.  Maybe we could look at them again, together.  I said that was OK with me, I tucked the magazine under my shirt and I left.

On the way home I stopped and looked at the magazine.  The women were all made up and looked pretty, sexy I thought.  They wore pretty underwear.  They looked nice all dressed up in skimpy but pretty panties, garter belts, really high heels, shinny bras and seamed nylon stockings.  Very sexy, yet very feminine.  What they were doing with the men looked quite natural.  Most of the women looked as if they were actually enjoying themselves.  The men weren't visible, except for their dicks, so I didn’t really see much of them except for their huge hard ons, which were gigantic!  Strangely enough, seeing their penis was very attractive to me and I felt a wetness in my underpants. 

The women were shown in either full close up facial shots, or full length pictures from different angles.  I’m guessing  they were posed that way so you could see what they were doing and learn how they did it.  The whole magazine seemed like a “How to” manual.  I don’t think I’ll ever get over how natural it seemed to see women with their mouths filled with men’s hard ons.  I found myself desiring the white cream the men would shoot.  It wasn’t shown in the magazine but it was clearly a craving in my mind!

Jimmy told me to take the magazine to the bathroom for a long visit.  He told me to go there and jack off in the toilet.  He said that way I wouldn't get caught by my brother.  He was right.  I shot out some stuff, but not near as much as he did.  It wasn't strong smelling but it felt great!  I couldn't wait to tell him about it.  The next day I went to his house and we talked about my bathroom experience.  He said not to worry about the amount I shot because I’d make lots more of it the more I did it.  He also said it would get stronger smelling too.  He recommend that I jack off in my empty hand so I could lick it up.  He said I should tell him if I liked doing that.

Then we sat on the couch and he told me to show him how I did it.  I eagerly pulled my pants down and pulled my tiny dick out when he stopped me and told me to use his cock.  He took his pants down and took it out, I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.  When he took it out and told me to put it in my hands, I just did.  I began talking my way through it and began using his cock to show him.  Then I realized what he was doing!  He was teaching me.  He told me to move my hand slow then fast, grab it soft then hard, do the length then “wash” the dick head.  He smiled and said, “Damn.  You don’t need much practice because you’re already pretty good at it.”  I felt good about that and said I would practice on him any time he wanted, I told him how he was much bigger than me anyway.  He just smiled and said nothing.  His cock became so big and so hard I wanted to cry!  Soon he told me it was coming, this time I was disappointed but ready.  I picked up a nearby magazine and held it in front of his dick and said he could shoot on it!

He told me to take the magazine out of the way and just open my mouth.  He said I was a naturally queer bitch.  I was kind of surprised but did what he said.  He inserted his dick head into my mouth and told me to be still.  He was jerking himself off now, my hands were on the sofa positioned just out side of his legs.  His hand was going very fast along the shaft of his cock.  I held his whole dick head and suddenly, I could taste his semen.  He kept telling me to swallow it and I did my best.  I took almost all of it, it wasn't bad at all.  It tasted just like chicken fat but a little salty, otherwise it was warm and OK. 

He said I did good for a little boy and lifted me up off my knees.  He gave me a cigarette and I choked on it.  We both smoked.  When I was leaving his house to go home he told me he liked me a lot.  He smiled and said. “Maybe you could be just like those women in the magazines, we could have a lot of nasty fun!”  I looked at the ground and told him, “I’m sorry I’m not a real woman for you but if I was I would be pleased to be yours and I just know we would have lots of fun.”  He put his arm around me and told me not to worry, maybe we could just pretend.  I said that would be good for me, but I also told him I didn't know how we could do that.  He just smiled and said he'd think of a way. 

I was so young I had no idea what he was asking of me, I didn't see where he was leading me.  At the time it was just something new I wanted, he was just some guy who was teaching me.  I was a very good student, eager to learn and even more eager to please.  I was fully accepting that I was becoming a woman, his woman.  Sexually speaking, I made up my mind I was going to be a woman for the rest of my life.  I would often go to him and do my best to prove it.

He introduced me to an older man named Ralph one day, and said Ralph liked little boys a lot but he looked gruff.  Jimmy said I didn’t have to be afraid of him, though.  When I was introduced I wasn’t afraid of this man at all because he was a friend of my family’s!  He worked for my father!  We had a few days of play which turned into a few overnight weekends and had much fun.  He would tickle me and touch me in my private places and tell me to touch him.  I would stop playing and remind him that touching was not part of our game.  He asked if I was insulted or embarrassed by his touching me, or my touching him, and I said I was not offended and only mildly embarrassed.  We laughed.  Soon we began to play in our underwear and we touched each other more and more.  For the most part, I welcomed him touching me and I especially liked touching him.

One day, he sat me on his couch and told me he was going to do something special for me and that I should close my eyes.  I got very excited and did as he told me and then told him I was ready!  I felt him sit next to me on the couch and he put his hand on my thigh and kissed me full on the mouth.  I opened my eyes because I felt his beard stubble scrape my face.  He kissed me for a long time and he didn’t use his tongue.  I got such a strong and wonderful feeling I began to like it and closed my eyes and responded.  It was so strange, the only way I can think of to describe it was that I think I may have melted!  I never got that feeling from any other man since and I loved him for doing that for me.

He said it was time I become his little woman, that’s when my cross dressing began.

I wanted to tell Jimmy how wonderful it had become for Ralph and me but Jimmy didn't show up for school for the rest of that year.  I didn't know where he went so I asked his folks.  They said he was visiting some relative in Oregon.  An older friend of mine, who was also a very good friend of Jimmy’s and knew quite a bit about him and his history with me, told me he thought Jimmy was sent to juvenile hall for being beyond parental control and cutting school.  I never saw him or Jimmy again. 

I began to see Ralph more and more, I liked him.  He bought all my foundations and make-up, my panties, my camisoles, my dresses and slips, even my heels and stockings, everything.  He let me be feminine and taught me how to look like a woman which felt great.  He began to take photos of me, I never looked so good!  I can’t explain it but I wanted to go beyond just looks with him.  Sex finally was in season.  We graduated and more than just a few pictures became extremely graphic and very compromising.  I enjoyed being a part of his photographs.

But it was my wanting photos of us that would bring us into court!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Just keeping it real . . . .

To begin with I'd like to say I'm a firm believer that gays (of all stripes) are born, not made!

As I read another blog I was reminded that my dad was a hunter and so were all of my uncles. They would often take my brother and male cousin but I was never invited. It's as if they knew that stalking, hunting and killing would not be my cup-of-tea. I watched them pack up the car with equipment and leave for one hunting or fishing trip or another. Knowing I was being left behind I would quietly cry from my bedroom window.

For some reason, probably the "quiet" and latent queer in me, I was soon OK staying behind. My mother would ask me to help her with the housework and I even got some kind of joy from doing the laundry, ironing, dusting, and vacuuming. She took me under her wing and taught me how to cook and bake and sew and I took every opportunity to learn about her underwear. She told me lots. I was easily hooked on all the materials, the smells, the tactile sensations, the belts, the buckles, and the buttons. Very easily.

I played sports in junior high and was very good at them! I was one of those kids who could climb the rope in gym class at lightening speed and I loved the peg-board. I was good at baseball, basketball, and football and could do my fair share of pull-ups and push-ups. At a huge surprise to my gym teachers, they actually seemed shocked, I gravitated to the less demanding sport of running cross country. I liked it! I also watched sports on TV but did not have an interest in fashion magazines or soap operas!

All that soon changed.

I had one older sister (she was a real whore!) who always told me about her many boy-friends and what they did. I always became excited and wanted her life-style as my own. I felt it was my true and natural place.

As time went on, although I didn't dress femme externally, I spent most of my time in female undies and behaving like a very naughty girl. When I was in grade school, it was confirmed by plenty of boys that I was a real-life cock-sucking queer! I gave up lots of head to them just because they asked! For some strange reason doing that felt very right.

It still does!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

This is a good read!

In an unusual scientific about-face, researchers at Northwestern University have found evidence that at least some men who identify themselves as bisexual are, in fact, sexually aroused by both women and men.

Some men.  Interesting.

This finding is not likely to surprise the many bisexuals (both male and female) who have long asserted that their attraction is not limited to one sex specifically.  In 2005, Northwestern released a report “with respect to sexual arousal and attraction" and said, "it remains to be demonstrated (proven) that male bisexuality actually exists.”

And to think we paid for this!

Their conclusions simply outraged the many bisexual men and women who said the report appeared to support a stereotype of bisexuality as closeted homosexuality.

So, in advancement of the facts, I'm guessing this protest by bisexuals brings to light they have notions regarding closet homosexuals and they're thought of as lowly.

Kind of like civil society in general.

In the new study, however, things would be different.  They required participants to have a sexual experience with at least two people of each sex and a romantic relationship of at least three months with at least one person of each sex.

They weren't asking for too much, were they?

Both studies found that bisexuals reported subjective arousal to both sexes, and had the genital responses to match.

“Someone who is bisexual might say, ‘Well, duh!’” said Allen Rosenthal, the lead author of the new Northwestern study and a doctoral student in psychology at the university.  “But this will be validating to a lot of bisexual men who had heard about the earlier work and felt that scientists were just not getting them.”

The Northwestern study is the second such study published this year to report a distinctive pattern of sexual arousal among bisexual men, again, to think we paid for this just makes me angry!  What I'd like to know is where are the grants to study Trans-persons?

Another study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, in many ways just like the Northwestern study, reported the results of a slightly different approach to the question.  In their study they also showed participants erotic videos of two men and two women and they included scenes of a man having sex with both a woman and another man.

The researchers; Jerome Cerny, a retired psychology professor at Indiana State University, and Erick Janssen, a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute, found that bisexual men were more likely than heterosexuals or gay men to experience both genital and subjective arousal while watching both types of videos.

And this is important to know because . . . ?

Dr. Lisa Diamond, a psychology professor at the University of Utah and an expert on sexual orientation, said that the two new studies, taken together, represented a significant step toward demonstrating that bisexual men do have specific arousal patterns.

My issue is, Who cares?

Simple non-scientific interviews of many trans-individuals I've had revealed how invalidating it is when one's own family members think they’re confused or simply going through a minor stage of life or they're in total denial about their own biology is bad enough!  Converging lines of university level evidence, using different methods and stimuli, only gives the scientific community the confidence to say this is something real.

We queers already know it!  This is merely our tax dollars hard at work!

The new studies are totally absent of any bi-sexual females but the Northwestern study included 100 men!  These men were closely split among bisexuals, heterosexuals and homosexuals.  The study at the Archives of Sexual Behavior included 59 participants, among them 13 self-admitted bi-sexuals.

In fairness, the new Northwestern study was financed in part by the American Institute of Bisexuality, a group that promotes research and education regarding bi-sexuality.  Still, advocates have expressed mixed feelings about the Northwestern research.

Jim Larsen, 53, a chairman of the Bisexual Organizing Project, which is a Minnesota based advocacy group, said the findings could help bisexuals still struggling to accept themselves.  “It’s great that they’ve come out with affirmation that bisexuality exists,” he said.  “Having said that, they’re proving what we in the community already know.  It’s insulting.  I think it’s unfortunate that anyone doubts an individual who says, ‘This is what I am and who I am.’”

I think I agree with Jim!

Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center in Boston, echoed Mr. Larsen’s discomfort.  She said, “This unfortunately reduces sexuality and relationships to just sexual stimulation,”  She went on to say, “Researchers want to fit 'bi' attraction into a little box; you have to be exactly the same, attracted to men and women, and you’re bisexual.  That’s nonsense.  What I love is that people express their bisexuality in so many different ways.”

In a refreshing note, despite her cautious praise of the new research, Dr. Diamond noted that the kind of sexual arousal tested in the studies is only one element of sexual orientation and identity.  Good for her!  All studies interpret results in a rather simple manner about sexual arousal which is not quite so uncomplicated.  "Monitoring genital response to erotic images in a laboratory setting cannot replicate an actual human interaction", she said.  "Sexual arousal is a very complicated thing,” she added.  She concluded by saying, "The real day-to-day life is extraordinarily messy and multi-factorial."

And all us cross dressing men know it can be exactly that!  But I have serious reservations we'll ever see that study done using tax dollars!

A version of this article appeared in print on August 23, 2011, on page D1 of the New York edition with the headline: No Surprise for Bisexual Men: Report Indicates They Exist.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Bitch Test

I took this test and scored 94!  I’m a minor bitch. 

According to this test I’m actually a non-bitch.  My kind nature breeds jealousy throughout the real bitches that surround me.  I often wonder why I’m unhappy about how my relationships are going, and I think that by giving all of the time things could go my way.  Sometimes, a little selfishness is warranted.

I’m too easy-going and too much of a push over to succeed in business.  My focus on pleasing everyone makes me ineffective when any conflict arises.  This test tells me it’s OK to show my claws once in a while.

I show appreciation toward others by being courteous.  I know how to accurately read people’s feelings but will occasionally drop a few off-handed remarks to validate my own point. 

After my partner has finished with me and turned over to sleep, I often find myself sexually unsatisfied but I’m emotionally fulfilled knowing that I’ve made him very happy.  According to the test, it’s not considered bitchy to discuss needs with a partner but he’ll never hear about it from me.

The friendships that I’ve created are true friends that will always be there for me.  The high regard I have for my friends is usually reciprocated and my friends are honored to know such a wonderful person as myself.

When I date, I should find men who are much more receptive to me as a person.  People with a low bitch score, like mine, are usually the most welcoming and compliant. 

My answers resulted in my being spotlighted or focused into the following category;
  I have a Pre-disposition.

My predisposition is that my being a bitch is influenced by my date of birth and the day of the week on which I was born.  In Numerology this equals a life-path number of Five, or Restless.  Fives are constantly looking for new opportunities and although I’m not considered bitchy, my tendency to get bored easily makes me unstable in relationships. 


The day of the week I was born also has influence and was a Wednesday, the Day of Odin.  People born on a Wednesday have a tendency to sabotage relationships even if they are going well. 

All I can think of to say is wow!

Among widely adopted western astrological terms my star-sign is Scorpio.  Everyone accepts the fact Scorpions are jealous, resentful, and obstinate.  Potentially we are very bitchy and we’re very sneaky.

Why, oh why, can’t I get a break?  It goes deeper still!

In Chinese astrology my symbol is the Tiger.  Tigers are very dominant and if not tempered with compassion for others, can come across as bitchy.

In Treeology, the relationship of tree characteristics to personal traits, my title is the Cypress Tree, the Faithful.  This status is most interesting.  Apparently, I’m extremely needy and quick-tempered, which makes me an extremely passionate lover and an extremely careless companion.  In truth, it’s not that I play around, I only do what men tell me to do!

I’m quite content with life as long as I have at least one attention giving spectator, regardless of how long that lasts!

I think this explains why I have low morals!

The data on this page is presented within the context of the Bitch Test quiz and should be reviewed with that in mind.  Please remember that this site is for entertainment purposes only and, by it's very nature, somewhat negative in comment and content.  The content on this page is based upon the answers and information supplied by you.

Till they said that, they had me almost believing this!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Is there something wrong with what I do?

Between the blatant Sexualization of children by Madison Avenue types and the arrest of the "hot to trot" hockey mom, I'm confused about any one seeing anything wrong in what I do.

I know I'm a homosexual which is not against the law.  I've been accused of having low morals but, just like being "stupid" or "ugly", that is also not against the law.  I cross dress and wear make up so I present as a slut, I don't believe that's against the law.  I do these things so I might engage in NSA sex with as many men as I can and, surprisingly, that is not against many laws any longer.

If a TG/TS or GG wants to play some elaborate "hard to get" game so be it.  I won't do that and I don't do that, just that simple.

As for the hot to trot hockey mom, I wouldn't want to be in her heels.  Giving liquor to a minor is against the law and it's a huge "no-no" in this society, but having sex with a minor is far worse!  Both have established laws prohibiting exactly that from happening.

I'm an adult homosexual man in a dress behaving naughty for another adult man.  Sometimes we're in some dim lit or dirty place and we both take a chance that we'll be seen.  But at least we're both consenting and both adults!

To avoid being charged as a prostitute I simply don't solicit, period!

To enhance the idea that a man can sexually score with me without me saying anything, however, I feel I must wear short skirts, bright panties out side of my modified pantyhose, allow plenty of "accidental" up-skirt looks, wear the highest heels I can still walk in, a bit too much make up and all but drench myself in perfume. 

Oh yeah, I never say no.

Seriously, let's face it, most men love to get a free blow job and they'll usually take it if one is offered.  Unless you're so inept that your teeth are constantly in contact with his penis most blow jobs, good and bad, end the same way.  Bill and Monica did it in the Oval Office for cryin' out loud, so it's fairly natural, pretty common and it really is no big deal!

Every time I'm approached I tell the guy exactly what I am as soon as practical, in this way I avoid complications.  If he accepts me we begin the dance of small talk.  During our talk I make it a point to bluntly, and quietly, tell him I'll let him use my mouth like a pussy.  At that point he usually doesn't care what I am.

After he's done with me I always tell him thanks.

So what?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I just read a most excellent blog featured on T-Central

My story, however, is not exactly like that one.  While I admit up-front to having attempted to take my own life many times, I failed.  Like so many others, I even tried to go “straight” for the sake of my biological family and society.

I failed there as well ... miserably!

I’m not saying we do not have choices but, and it might very well just be my own thinking but, I feel I never had the luxury of a real choice.  In my mind I was simply born a certain way and that was the card I was dealt.  I’m sure you’re well aware of the cliche; born a girl in some boys body, but that’s the way I felt.  That was the way I was.

Society just so happens to preserve the notion that I, and people like me, will never - that’s an absolute, I know - ever have any kind of choice.  It comes down to us, or me, against societal thoughts and impressions.  A tall order to be sure, not to mention a rough row.

I do have confidence, I’ve been told I pass and I know I’m not alone.  I've had plenty of dates and I've joined a number of support groups and thank my lucky stars they’re there.  Unfortunately, my dates don't always call me back (regardless of how it goes for them!) and the support groups do me no good when I wish to be a female in public.

The most casual act of grocery shopping as a female sometimes let’s me be seen as just another queer wearing make up, a dress and heels.  I always get a few casual looks, even the check out boy or girl always smiles hard at me.  Sometimes I get a few snickers or an out loud laugh along with some finger pointing, but always I’m talked about, usually in whispers.

In fairness, I can make it so when most people look at me they’re not all that sure of what they see!

The love from my children is not forthcoming in any way, they are products of a shared parenting life and one of us critically hates what I am.  It would seem that while it’s OK to be gay today, it’s not OK if we’re talking about your man and he also insists that he wears make up and a dress!

I managed to hold onto a bit of my retirement, my ex-wife took most of it in alimony during the divorce.  A double edged sword is the fact that my children do not know why I left home.  When I asked them (I was in male drab of course) they told me they were simply told I abandoned them.  Nice! 

Apparently, I was not worth the effort to even make up a story about different ideals, conflicting political views, or even simple unexplained irreconcilable differences.  In my mind, anything would’ve been preferable to plain abandonment.  Again this was the card I was dealt.

Today, I’m a totally uninhibited woman, the life I led has been a huge help to me in that way.

And yes, I have sex with any man who remotely looks at me in that “special” way.  My life insurance is up to date and my kids are the annotated beneficiaries.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

What Do Men Like To Hear?

I read this article the other day entitled, “What Do Men Like To Hear?”  It was posted on June 24, 2011, by YML Staff.  One of the commentors to the article mentioned what happened to spell-check?  Lmao, as I read on I wondered the same thing!  And to think this person gets paid to write.  But I don’t wish to cast aspersions, I don't wish to insult, and I digress.

I realize the fact that a man wants his woman to see all of his good parts and appreciate him for them.  If your date is a true loser and really far from being intelligent, praise and appreciate him for his one manly quality, his cock.  Regardless if he makes lots of mistakes or has no redeeming graces, there is no limit to encouraging a man. 

Tell him lies if need be, we all have flaws. 

If you’re approached by a total ‘loser’ who is berating you at the top of his lungs, tell management or simply leave.  He’ll find someone who will appreciate him for the qualities he has.  If you can’t say he’s a good person, then he probably isn’t. 

Usually praising any guy positively impacts on his ego.  We’re the person he’s asking to give him sex and I think we should simply as a form of encouragement for both of us.  Besides, if we don’t do it there’s usually another T-girl who will, and she might even enjoy being humiliated and dis-respected in public.  He’s the superior to her inferior.  You control how to live your life, you decide what you’re willing to put up with and what your not.  Hold on to that thought!

I also read the book, “The Surrendered Wife” by Laura Doyle, and it’s well worth the read.  You’ll quickly find out how and why men behave the way they do and learn how to stop it, if you wish.  While the book presents many insights about how to obtain the intimacy you crave, it can also be a guide for bed-hopping Transvestites. 

Not once does it talk about the woman as deserving any respect or encouragement.

It’s seems very controversial but claims to have transformed thousands of relationships, bringing women romance and intimacy.  Just like millions of women, Transvestites want there situation to be better also.  But, as Laura Doyle writes, she tried to get her husband to be more romantic, helpful and ambitious, he instead withdrew.  The result was she became lonely and exhausted, but, she admits, she was controlling everything.  Desperate to be in love with her man again, she decided to stop telling him what to do and how to do it.

Sound familiar?  Look as pretty as you can, be as feminine as possible and wait.

When she finally surrendered control she says something magical happened.  The union she always dreamed of reappeared and the man who had wooed her was back.

The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple:  The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any relationship in order to gain sexual intimacy.  The only difference here is that Transvestites usually use back doors!

The Surrendered Wife is a step-by-step guide that teaches women how to give up unnecessary control and responsibility.  How to express their needs while respecting their husband's choices.  How to resist the temptation to criticize, belittle or dismiss their husbands and comply with him in every aspect of the marriage - from sexual demands to financial needs ... and maybe a little more.

Transvestites don’t usually expect to find husbands, they usually take great pains to simply look passable and get sexed.   A Long Term Relationship (LTR) can be quite nice to land of course. 

A man does not need to show and give me respect no matter what.  Just let me get him hard once in a while and take his climax, it pays off very well in the end.  Ironically, the bible say’s there’s power in my tongue.  If they only knew just how much!

It’s easy to make a man fall in love with you: just say, “Its not yours” or “I think we should date other people” or “No matter what happens, I won’t ask you for alimony.”  You might want to tell him these things as you hand him your panties.  We Transvestites usually just say; “I’ve got to go to the store to pick up more anal-eaze and the fridge is filled with Coronas.”  Trust me, this will make you golden.

This is a very old joke but it fits this situation:
I came into a new company as a director and had to fill an open position.  One individual who was to report to me had been kicked around by people for quite a while, he obviously had low self esteem.  He had a wife that would call him at work and yell at him for different things.  You could actually hear her yelling over the phone!  Well, I gave this guy some encouragement, I made him feel good about himself and then told him I knew he could do the job.  I gave it to him.  He became a superstar literally over night. 

Ladies, the things your men can do with merely guttural encouragement is absolutely significant.  I’m sure most women don’t do this for their husbands or boyfriends near enough and I have to admit, I like it that way.  It makes what I do as a low moral transvestite easier.

It’s really good for us to appreciate our men, even when they don’t possess the qualities we’d like, but there must be some unique thing in him.  Find that thing and use it to build up the other qualities.   You’ll have much success.

Many people tell me I have zero good qualities and I need to take a good hard look at myself.  The facts are, I’m going to keep on trolling and taking it as it comes.  I don’t see society changing in my lifetime and I think I do have good if not great qualities!

Friday, September 2, 2011

I want to keep a posting open

I want to thank all those who follow this blog, I'm sure there are other blogs much better suited to your interests!

Having said that, I merely wish to keep my blog open to let everyone know I'm still here!  I haven't given up on blogging, I just have so much conflict in my life as both a cross dresser and homosexual, I have trouble selecting the blogs I wish to publish.

I certainly don't want anyone to think too poorly of me but I confess my morals are low!  In many ways I feel society has caused me to have such low morals.  Society caused me to sneak about and pretend I was a woman and I've simply proven myself a woman to other males.  It is also due in part to this civil society that these same males, who are willing to have sexual favors done for them, do not wish to be seen with me in the daylight!  Imagine that!

Again, thank you all for reading!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Just read this on the Huffington Post

According to the Huffington Post at least 30% of women walk down the aisle to marry Mr. Wrong and they know it beforehand!  This information was gathered from over 1000 divorced women.  Not one of which was still married.
Apparently, among GG’s, it is thought better to be married to the wrong guy than to be alone.  I find this notion interesting because it is also quite common within the trans community.  For any one seeking and hoping to land even a casual LTR this ought to sound eerily familiar.  I know it does to me!

I also happen to wonder if one of the causes for that particular train of thinking among GG's is due in part to the societal conditioning (or demand) for the birthing of children?  We all know society makes many demands on all of us and some of these demands are simply implied while others are made into laws.  Each demand is unique and some actually silly, yet, they're still made and we surely comply!

I’m a human and I like to think I'm a smart human, as I grew up I paid close attention to my own social red flags and my own confused gut feelings about my own sexual orientation.  I knew I was born a male but I also knew I felt very female.  My result was that I became popular with certain boys for all the wrong reasons.

I’m sure there are those who can identify with the idea that any “special activities" were done in strict secrecy and some of these activities involved multiple boys.  They also involved other male body fluids.  I know I was one of the lucky ones, I didn't catch anything!

Speaking from another personal experience, a divorce is not easy even when YOU are the one serving the papers.  In my case it went the other way round and it was very expensive, very painful and it adversely affected me.  I completely lost my entire family but the children were spared the sordid details.

For we human animals, no matter how you slice it, living alone is a two edged sword.  On the one hand it can be its own reward and on the other it can be its own punishment.  In the end I guess that really depends on who you live with and how they treat you.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Just touching base

I haven't put anything on-line in a few days so here's one of my latest thoughts!

As a T-girl I'm judged by my singular moments many times and I'm well aware I'm also in a kind of deception mode.  I can easily tell the guy likes me but when he's finished and has to leave I fully understand why he doesn't wish to take me shopping!  In a single word, polite and civil society simply won't tolerate that!

OK, maybe that was more than just a single word.

Anyway, I feel that view is extremely flawed but very real!  Call me a deftest but I also doubt that view will change within my life time.

Still, I'll keep being me!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

A News Item I found on-line

I know I'm a loner when it comes to being a Cross Dresser but is this a total fake?  Or am I just totally late on picking this up?

I recently found an article on-line about experts hailing a pair of drug trials involving heterosexual couples in Africa as a breakthrough in AIDS prevention.  I found the article interesting.

The studies show that taking a pill containing merely one or two drugs each day can or may decrease the transmission of HIV by as much as three-quarters.  Studies also showed that no "significant" side effects were observed in either trial and, finally, it is claimed that the pills only cost about $.25 cents each to make. 

In many ways I was absolutely shocked to learn about the cost of production!

The perception is that these drugs are really toxic but according to Dr. Thomas J. Coates, an infectious disease specialist at UCLA's Geffen School of Medicine, "They are not.  The current generation is really quite safe."

Dr. Jonathan Mermin, director of the CDC's Division of HIV/AIDS Prevention, said the agency would immediately begin working with other public health groups to establish guidelines for using the drugs prophylactically in this country.   Physicians should wait for those guidelines before prescribing the drugs, he said, but if they believe it is imperative to do it, they should adhere to the guidelines previously announced for using them with gay men.

I don't know about you but when I read these comments I got a cheek to cheek smile across my face like the cat who ate the canary!  The more I read the more exciting I found this study!

Dr. Robert M. Grant of UC San Francisco's Gladstone Institute of Virology and Immunology speculated that the drugs might work even better in the United States than they did in Africa.  He said, "people in this country are more accustomed to using pills for prevention and thus more likely to take the drugs regularly."

I know he can count me in on that sentiment!

Actually, I'm one of the lucky ones.  I'm very much the femme, still D&D free, retired from the US government and I don't need to produce lots of income to get by.  While not great, by some standards I've made it!  I admit that when I was young things were very different for guys like me.  James Brown reminded us that this IS a man's world.  I simply learned how to be sensible and very discreet! 

News of these pills is great to learn about but, like I said, I'm just one of the lucky ones anyway.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Calie's Uncorking of the Demons

I read Calie’s blog called Uncorking the Demons and immediately identified with the character Ruth in the movie Normal!  That caused me to think about my own transition ordeals.  I didn't suffer in the exactly the same ways as Ruth but I had my moments!  I certainly lost my fair share of jobs!

If memory serves, I grew up as a part of a very “normal” family because I simply didn't know any better.  We weren’t so dysfunctional, although love for each other was in extremely short supply, but I lived with it anyway.  I thought every family was just like mine! 

When I was as young as 9 or 10 my mother would warn me about boys who might want just one thing from a boy like me!  I didn’t understand her.  She would often straighten my hair and tell me I looked pretty but I needed to be very careful, I always got the biggest kiss and the strongest hug from her.  I was confused by her coded warnings but quickly learned exactly what she was talking about!  It’s true, boys will be boys and the more the merrier!

I became extremely popular, but as a girl not as a boy!  Some boys would dress me up and take their turns with me.  What did I know?

I told my mother about these boys and she insisted I not tell my father.  I have no reason to think she did.  My older sister began quietly calling me the family fag.  She asked me if I let boys shoot their “jizz” in my mouth or on my face.  I thought that was a normal question and when I told her it depended on the situation, she asked me if I liked being their nasty little bitch.  I didn’t understand her question, I didn't answer.  She took off all her clothes one day and told me to come into her room and look at her naked body.  She said, “Take a real good look at my pussy!  Queers like you don’t have one of these!"  She told me to get out of her room and called me a little fagot!

My brother said I was maybe just a hermaphrodite.  I looked that word up at school and was relieved to learn he felt that way about me.  In retrospect, I wonder if he was perhaps struggling with his own sexuality?

I was chastised by my family in many ways, I haven’t had contact with them for over 45 years!  I knew about my father’s and my mother’s passing but missed them both.  When I think about them I do cry.

I tried to go straight for the sake of society.  Mother said the marriage wouldn’t last long and she was to be proven right!

My wife, in the biological family I created, caught me dressed.  She said I made a very ugly woman!  She was angry and asked me, “What kind of man does this for other men?”  I was in a kind of denial and shock and could only hang my head in shame, I had no answers for her.

She told me to take off everything I was wearing (like my mother did!) And she took pictures of me as I undressed.  She told me to go wash the make-up off my face and, while I was in the shower, she burned my entire outfit in the bar-b-que!

Many months passed incident free but I found myself sneaking out as a female.  My wife was supposed to be out of town but I was caught totally by surprise when she returned unannounced.  I was in full make up and dressed like a whore.  I was also well into performing oral sex on another man!  While putting his pants back on the guy looked down at me and asked if we could meet some place so I could finish!  I couldn’t believe it, I told him to just leave!  My wife told me to gather up my things and get out.  We soon got divorced.

I spoke with our children some time later and they said I ran away and abandoned them!  They were very angry with me.  I tried to explain that while I may have "run away" the abandonment part is NOT true nor is it accurate.  I've never turned my back on them!  I explained that I created a loving family and keeping that family together for over 30 years is what held me together.  I don’t think they bought it.

The more I was away from my family the more I noticed I was reverting to the easiness of womanhood.  I was allowing those feelings to take hold of me.  I accepted that I was a bit of a queer but I also happened to get much joy from dressing like a female.  I seriously doubt my family would’ve approved or been OK with me doing either but maybe I’m wrong.

I honestly did my best.  Now I’m alone except for the occasional blog.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Wow! What can I say?

I'm fresh back from reading some blogs.

I have come to realize the Trans-world has proponents well seated in all camps.  I've also come to realize I feel some do more harm than good, they confuse rather than make clear.

Most all blogs have good points with some weak issues of course but some points are just more solid to me while I find others lacking.  In the final analysis it's up to me to sift through them and decide which ones I'll believe.

Having said that, I'm greatful for all the bloggers who post about the Trans-situation because no one of rapor seems to want to talk about it yet not one of us can do it alone! 

When a blogger attacks a commonly held notion or a unique idea and gives thier impressions they expand my horizons.  They make me think and, sometimes, I even change my mind!

I must confess, that while some ideas and arguments enlighten me, others merely cause me to close my mental doors.  This is especially true when a blogger attacks another person.

IMHO, it is they who waste their precious time, talent and effort.  I've never found any of that to be productive or enlightening and I feel it's a total waste and a crying shame.

I'll keep reading as long as you keep posting!  Thanks for feeding my head.

Towleroad dot com

Just got turned on to Towleroad dot com.  The reference mentioned a movie named, Ticked off Trannies with Knives!  My friend cited this movie as vengeance at its prettiest!

I read many comments on site and, it's always sad to have a dedication to a movie about a person who was a woman but is now dead, possibly murdered, just because she used to be a man! 

And we all know there are many others!

When will humanity learn that just leaving humans to their own ways is NOT a bad thing?

Sad to say, I'm afraid that's not gonna happen in this life-time.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

An innocent conversation

As a Transvestite some things about me truly are fake but EVERYTHING about me is NOT! 

In all fairness I do certain things which can be called fake but they’re not much different from anything a real woman might do. In my opinion the things I do simply make me look more attractive and more womanly.

I wear make-up. I shave my beard then apply a beard cover and I shave my eyebrows. A really good foundation, three shades of eye make up, blush, bright lipstick, false lashes and a nice wig and my face is complete. I regularly wear false nails, jewelry and perfume.

For clothes, I wear heavily padded bras with falsies, heavily boned corsets to make my waist smaller and modified padded curve enhancing panties under my modified pantyhose. I wear tight slips, sheer pantyhose and contrasting colored panties on the outside of my pantyhose so men can see them. I like high-high heels and my dress or skirt is almost always too short.

Whenever I go out, either as a man or a woman, I do my absolute best to look as sexy as possible. I’m hoping some guy picks me up for a couple hours of wanton “fun” and I promise not to whine!

While everything about me externally can be said to be fake what I feel in my heart can not!

I have an impassioned love for men and have felt it since I was 9 years old! I can not explain it, I just know these feelings are deeply seated within me. Call me crazy but I simply live to please a man. 

I don’t believe I can help myself! How about you? Are we so different?

Saturday, May 21, 2011

I forget the link or I’d post it for you

I recently read an article on-line someplace, like I said, I forget the link or I’d post it for you, which made me think about conversations I had with real women and fellatio and anal sex.  When I think back on those conversations they were fraught with conflict and almost bordered on hostility.

Could it be that real women willingly accept me simply because I’m not a real man?

Wow!  Another question to ponder!

The conversations took place of course because I’ve never understood how almost all real woman can say it's OK for a man to be gay, yet, they balk at their own man who wants a little anal sex.  So I asked them, what’s a GG’s preference?  They told me they only did it because he wanted it and they said they used that particular sex act, without mentioning it directly, as a means to get something in exchange later.  I thought, pretty sneaky!

That made me wonder.  Did he want to make anal sex part of a routine sex schedule?  Maybe he did but she didn’t!  It certainly explains to me why we T-girls seem to meet so many married men.  They thoroughly enjoy anal sex but they don’t get it at home!

Many GG's have told me, from their perspective, they view anal sex as merely a form of birth control.  Most women do not do it.  They admit to using their mouths, which some have claimed is done as much as three times per day!  They almost all said they do not like doing anal or giving head as a substitute for sex.

Speaking for myself, giving some guy a blow job three times a day might be great, but giving three different guys blow jobs in the course of a single day would be my idea of living in pure heaven!

With regard to homosexuals, both male and female, GG’s have told me that gay females can simply use a dildo to sexually satisfy their partner using her vagina.  They also told me, laughingly, that if they were gay they’d use the double ended kinds!  I guess most GG’s are not so different from the rest of us!

They've also told me they feel sorry for a gay man like me because we’re limited.  We male gays seem to be relegated to use what we have, which is our mouths and our anuses.  Personally, I think two out of three ain’t bad!  In many ways I was kind of offended.

My questions then, is anal or oral sex a humiliating sex act?  Tells me it's not.

As a closeted T-girl, I especially don't think it is.  I’ve done a few orals and took it in my back-side a few times while in front of large, bare, apartment window, knowing we were being watched via telescopes.  I did it simply because he said he wanted me to do it that way.  When it was done in full view of neighbors they usually just watched, never did they question us. 

No matter, because it merely gave me the usual and customary semen which I see as a kind of therapy and nothing odd or threatening ever happened to either of us!
If oral or anal sex is a humiliating sex act then I've been humiliated by lots of men over my life time!  But I also wear a dress, so, maybe I'm just really confused.

Friday, April 29, 2011

This is rediculous!

How can someone be asked to resign for citing a peer-reviewed paper?

Dr. Greenfield, M.D. was.  Let me begin by stating this doctor is no ordinary surgeon.  Until last week he was the president-elect of the American College of Surgeons and the inventor of the Greenfield Filter, a device that prevents blood clots during surgery.  No doubt it has has saved countless lives.  He's been awarded professor emeritus of surgery at the University of Michigan and has written more than 360 scientific articles in peer-reviewed journals.  Additionaly, he has written over 128 book chapters and two textbooks.  He has also served on the Editorial Board of 15 scientific journals and was the lead editor of the Surgery News, a trade publication in which his writing initiated the odd termed "Semengate".  He wrote an article (with a related paper) regarding the qualities of semen and because of a bad joke about Saint Valentine's Day, semen and chocolate, he was forced to resign.

I see his resignation as pure politics, not evidence of any type or kind.  I see his resignation as more a reflection of the anti-scientific attitudes of segments of this "civil society" we've created and some self-righteous and indignant members within the American College of Surgeons.  It is my opinion they're wrong to have forced this particular issue and missed a great teaching opportunity.  I have always thought Science was based on evidence not politics and, in science unlike politics, knowing is always preferable to not knowing.

It is a biological fact that a mere 5 percent of a man's ejaculate is sperm.  What's left is semen, a simple seminal plasma which is rich in chemicals including many which have the potential to produce mood-altering effects.  These effects are derived from hormones, neuro-transmitters, and endorphins, all quite natural chemicals produced by humans biologically!  There are even female sex hormones in male semen and within an hour or two after insemination heightened levels of many of these same chemicals can be detected within a woman's bloodstream. 

In my gut I always knew there was a very good reason to swallow a man's semen.  Oral sex with men has always made me feel good.  I'm sadened to see Dr. Greenfield go.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Wanted to get this out before April Fool's

The biggest advantage for group membership is community.  I'm a gay man, married with children and I like to dress like a woman, including the make up and jewelry.  I also thoroughly enjoy behaving badly with men.  So, to be fair to me, I need my own place!  

Before becoming another closet queer, I decided I would not be a participant of any group and that had the uncanny ability for bringing lots of privacy to my particular situation.  I see no advantage in joining most groups and, in fact, I think in most cases it's absolutely wasteful unless you seek advocacy, approval, blessing, or some other support for your self.  If you just seek company, well I'm told misery loves company, but in all seriousness . . . .

As a "sister" I know my experience has always been about the sex only and I think it's only fair that most men I meet are cautious, especially about meeting a "tranny" for the first time sight unseen!  I like to think of them as simply being nervous because I'm also nervous about meeting them!  I’d point them to my web-page but, unfortunately, not everyone has a computer!  In most cases I think it’s safe to say he does not wish to get caught with me and he probably doesn’t want to be seen with me in public places where he’s well known either!

While there are men enough who admire us effeminate and accommodating man-tramps they usually don't want to be seen with one because they have a wife, children, a career or all of the above.  That being the case I try to make it easy for them by going for uncrowded neutral places or empty bars and, because it’s the first time we’re meeting, I let them know I’m not dressing like a whore!  If they’re nice to me I give them a pretty calling card with my name and number on the front and my mini-skirt picture on the back.  If they want a repeat, they can just call me, they can make an appointment, a kind of date with me.  These guys may be slow to respond to my emails and they may be nothing more than thrill seekers, but I'll take them in secret moments of lust any time!

I've met very good, and nice, men knowing they knew full well about me beforehand and only wanted me for a few moments of NSA sex.  I admit I sleep very well!  I've been both flattered and flabbergasted at some of the things they say to me, the demands they make on me, and the tips they give me!  Oh yes, they do tip!  That comes from people who care and understand that other people (even men who wear dresses and behave like naughty little girls!) actually work in the real world and have regular and usual expenses.  Yes, it’s true, we Transvestites also have other responsibilities.

So, as you can read, I’m not too thrilled about meeting with large numbers of people who don’t know me because that usually leads to rude and inconsiderate people saying all manner of things.  I’d simply rather avoid that scene.

The men I don’t care for are the never ending stream of “admirers” who are the ones who advertise in the "for free" papers and have on-line posts with unachievably high expectations.  They actually make me laugh despite the depth of their sadness.  They must think every T-girl is just sitting around their comfy apartment, dolled up looking like a professional (Ru Paul Drag Queen or a street walking whore!) just scanning the ads desperately seeking an opportunity to worship some guys manly parts.  NOT! 

They almost all say they prefer that the T-girl host the affair and this will be seen as mutual respect or discretion by them.  Please don't make me laugh so hard!  Those types of guys will NEVER get as much as the correct time of day from a “tranny” like me!  I simply see their ads as a complete waste of my talent and my effort, but if that's what they want, that's what they’ll get!

Happy April Fools Day!!

My number of posts

On my DASHBOARD it shows I've made 5 blogs but only two show.  The "hidden" blogs don't show a side of me any different from what I already admit to being, which is a T-girl in a closet.  Some people have said I'm just a queer who likes to wear dresses and that usually opens up a whole seperate set of issues.  Maybe they're right in the long run and who am I to say their not?  My point here is that I would not be ashamed by any of the unseen blogs.

As to what I am, yes, I felate men to climax and enjoy doing that.  I've been doing that most of my life.  Apparently, I'm the kind of male who simply loves the taste of another man's semen and just happens to get a little giddy and much happiness in the process!  Because I feel it's a gift I can not help myself but to fervently enjoy swallowing it.  But I won't go so far as to call it a God-like infusion like so many men want me to!

I don't have any explanation as to why I feel this way, I just know it has been my life since I was 9 years old.  It's the way my life unfolded and I didn't resist it, in fact, I was quite open and willing to accept it!

If you suspect a particular which may have allowed me to grow and accept myself, please let me know about it!  I will be forever in your debt.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Why do I read the news?

I read yet another story about an under aged girl who was with an older, married man.  Apparently they were having sex for an untold period of time.  Gee, I can't imagine why a grown man would want to have sex with a young girl, lmfao!

This kind of story is actually becoming quite common.  Seems most girls, regardless of their age, (under aged in this case) prefer older men for sex.  Can they not find boys their own age?  I hope the jail time and fines this guy ends up getting, not to mention the ruination of his life and living, were worth it!

I do not claim to know all the details but, when it comes to this, why does our society seem to only punish the men?  I would love to hear some of your opinions!

If I could have only one wish I would only change two things, it would be to know what I know now and to be young again! 

It sucks (or doesn't) to grow old!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I found this interesting

I read about this group on-line.  The similarities were so bizarre and disturbing to me I almost went into shock!  This group only validates my belief that all humans seek something better than themselves.  The article was stamped by CNN and the group hails from Florida.

They asked,  If you thought you had less than three perfectly healthy months to live, what would you do?  These are the options offered,
1, Would you travel?
2, Spend time with loved ones?
3, Appreciate the joy life has given you?
Would you ditch your kids and grand-kids, join strangers in a caravan of RVs and travel the country warning people about the end of the world?

Interesting choices!  Apparently the alternative option is not so alien to these folks.

I think what they’re saying is kind of foolish because we’ve all heard things like this said before.  End of the World, Doomsday Cometh, predictions of Armageddon, etcetera.  While their timing is suspect to me, it is nevertheless quite uncanny.  Their story, and the web page which tells their story, is rather extensive but contains a curious justification that sounds exactly like the mind set we trans-sexual people have been forced to live with and grow through our entire lives!

While, these “Ambassadors”freely walked away from work, families and communities in places like California, Kansas, Utah and New Jersey, trans-persons may have come from those exact same places but they didn’t have those exact options.  While these Ambassadors gave away cars, pets, music collections and more to relatives, friends and neighbors, many trans-persons, again, simply didn’t have those options.

Some of us, literally, had to run away in order to survive.  No doubt we all have unique stories to tell.  No one was listening to us at home and, of those who did, they seemed to be against us anyway!  These Ambassadors simply kicked many items to the curb and left many more items in their homes until, of course, they're claimed by someone else.  Does any of this sound eerily familiar?  On a much smaller scale it does to me!

Maybe it’s time for us to begin thinking we’ve been chosen.  We, like so many others, simply have to pay an exacting price to make it all happen and we all pay that price in one way or another!  Whomever we’ve been chosen by, these Ambassadors claim God, we need to accept the fact that he, or she, is not always nice.  Just like God.

If you like you can read the whole article at;