Thursday, April 12, 2012

Fare well, Mike Wallace

I wish to say that I'm saddened Mike Wallace has passed and I truly hope he's in a better place.

I found it interesting that "The Homosexuals" was Mike Wallace's controversial 1967 report that aired on CBS.  Wow, 1967, that was a long time ago!

The hour-long program, which predated "60 Minutes" and was anchored by Wallace on "CBS Reports", took on the then taboo topic of homosexuality in America.  Homosexuality is still not accepted by this society today, but it's not so much a taboo topic either!

Wallace said in the piece, "The average homosexual, if there be such an average, is promiscuous.  He is not interested in, or capable of, a lasting relationship like that of a heterosexual marriage.  His sex life, his love life, consists of a series of one-chance encounters at the clubs and bars he inhabits.  And even on the streets of the city, the pick-ups, the one night stands, these are the real characteristics of the homosexual relationship."

No wonder being viewed as a homosexual was so depraved.  It was being told that it was both wrong and dirty!  Perhaps that's why so many of us became Trans!  No, I actually don't think so.

Wearing a dress was NOT the result of being brainwashed by our own televisions!  We felt it.  I wore dresses as a simple way of justifying my personal homosexual feelings and I saw wearing a dress as a way of adding value to my self.  I was still going to do what I wanted.

The Atlantic's Conor Friedersdorf wrote, the report is "impossible to watch without cringing."  IMO, change has always been around but acceptance of that change has not!

Wikipedia has a pretty good back story on the episode, which Wallace later regretted doing, "I should have known better," he said in 1992.  Two decades ago!  That's almost as long as most trans-persons have been breathing.

Wallace also lamented that the report relied, in part, on Charles Socarides, a psychiatrist who felt homosexuality was a mental illness.  Wallace said in a 1996 interview, "That is, God help us, what our understanding was of the homosexual lifestyle a mere 25 years ago, nobody was out of the closet and because that's what we heard from doctors, that's what Socarides told us, homosexuality was a matter of shame."

A mere 25 years before!  Says a lot about this "open" and civil society.

It is said that being gay is OK, but dressing like a common female is not.  No one questions what you do as a gay person and everyone questions what you do as male to female.  After all these years not much acceptance or understanding has reached the multitudes of humanity.

God bless you, Mike.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Another look at my life

I'm very happy for boys and girls who are cross-sexed, but knowing society as I do, I'm also a bit afraid for them, too!  I read many blogs that talk about being cross-sexed and the terms used are so complicated.  I guess I was too at the ripe old age of 4 or 6, however, lmao!

Apparently, we cross-sexed people seem to know at a very early age exactly what our feelings are telling us.  It's mostly people around us who are confused.  I was a bit more lucky than most because I grew up in the San Francisco bay area where I was simply seen as just another queer who happened to like wearing female clothing.  No one understood cross sexed persons back then.

I've not been accepted by the people I care about to include my biological family and siblings.  Oddly enough, my happiest memories have been the stolen moments I spent with admiring boys.  God, what risks I used to take for them!

Let me re-tell a story about one incident regarding my cross dressing in public. 

I was in my late teen years and already fairly experienced with men, I thoroughly loved the excitement of having wanton oral sex with a man.  I was riding in a jitney bus alone going up Mission street and the seat I was in faced riders on the opposite side.  A man occupied one such seat.

It was early 1970 and I saw myself as a pioneer, I was wearing a rather fitted, obviously short dress.  I had on shear toe to tummy shinny black pantyhose and my typical loud pink panties over them, with my usual cream white patent leather spiked heels.  I smelled feminine, acted feminine, and I looked feminine. 

As I settled into my seat I noticed the man was staring at me.  Well not at me exactly, he was looking under my dress at my pink panties.  I smiled at him.  I was flattered and embarrassed at the same time.  I soon couldn't help but notice he was also slowly masturbating as he looked at me!  We made eye contact and he used his other hand to indicate I should open my legs.  I winked at him as I complied.  The other men could easily see he was masturbating but they looked at me too and said nothing.  I felt pretty good because I could make this guy jack off just by looking at me! 

A woman saw him, looked at me, and asked what was wrong with me?  She scolded me to close my legs.  She said, as a girl, I had no right to lead him on and that what I was doing was classless and bad!  She then told the driver what was going on.  The driver stopped, got out, and came back to the body of the jitney and told the man he better stop his disgusting game.  He then looked at me quizzically and asked, "Are you a real girl?"

I told him the truth.

The woman went off on me!  She called me a homosexual and faggot.  She said she never saw a boy in a girl's dress before and said it was boys like me who gave girls a bad reputation.  She was obviously flabbergasted at one acting the way I was.  She stormed off the jitney without paying. 

I opened my purse and offered to pay her fare but the driver just shook his head as he climbed back into his driver's seat and pulled away from the curb.  The man went back to looking under my dress and mastrubated himself as if nothing happened.  I just sat there and licked my lips, I had every intention of encouraging him!  I also wanted to watch him flog his meat.

After only a few blocks I couldn't take it any longer, so I asked if he wanted to get off with me.  I assured him, I could make sure he would get off on me in more ways than just one!  He shook his head yes and said, "I'd like that." 

I extended my invitation to the other two men and one guy looked me up and down but said nothing, the other said, "No thank you, you he/she bitch.  I don't fuck boys!"  I told him, he had no idea what he was missing!

The interested man and I got off at the next stop together.  He took me by the hand and we squeezed between two buildings into the middle of a field of grass where he told me to get down on my knees.  I did as he told me and waited.  I thought I saw another person look out from a window and my heart began to beat a mile a minute and my breath was comming in so fast I thought I would pass out!

I was excited by the idea we might get caught!

He opened his pants and I could see he was totally hard.  His hard-on was as white as any I've ever seen growing out of a patch of almost black curly hair, it was stiff as a piece of wood with a purple bulbous head.  I practically drooled.  He said, "All the boys who look like you give me a hard on!"  I smiled.  He told me he was going to do his best to make a real women out of me.  When he said that, I was not scared of him at all, he was allowing me to willingly play the role of a naughty woman.

He told me to open my mouth and I complied.  He proceeded to fuck my face!  There was no kissing, no touching, no rubbing, no nothing.  Just me chocking on his wood as he pushed it into my mouth and my surprise that he was done with me in less than 10 minutes!  I could taste and smell his ejaculate and my face was a mess and my dress had a total man mess all over it.  He smiled down at me and said now I looked like a real woman.  I smiled up at him.  He told me he would leave first and I was to remain where I was for about ten more minutes. 

I remember telling him "thank you" and kissing his softening prick as e pulled it away from me and put it back in his pants.  I knew I would have to fix my makeup and I heard him laugh and say he left me on my knees, he sounded like a very happy man.  I watched him go away.

I stood and fixed my makeup and the person looking out the window behind the blinds never came out to take advantage of me.  I walked the rest of the way home feeling very accomplished and knowing full well he never thanked me.  A few men tooted their car horns at me as I walked home. 

I used to long to be a real female, to have a vagina and breasts, but I don't let not having them, or anything else, stop me from doing everything and anything I want.