Sunday, December 23, 2012

Fashions ... and other stuff

As you may or may not know I get most of my feminine dressing ideas from looking at real women but not all the outfits I see, to me anyway, would be wonderfully successful.

My latest idea comes from the Weather Channel.  The weather girl wore a simple black and white dress that could be made into a very now and seasonal outfit quite easily!  T-girl admirers would say it looks absolutely fantastic on most T-girls.  I would of course be flattered to hear them say that to me, those words would make any outfit appropriate.

I make outfits seasonally timely by simply adding trim, I buy a similar pattern but make the outfits more festive.  I will add red and green trim using my sewing machine to this outfit and I think I'll look like an ornament!  My gift has always been my legs and T-girl admirers enjoy looking at them and more, so I also shorten the hemlines.  I'm sure my outfits are equally appropriate for day-wear despite that fact.

I also read this on Yahoo, it comes from the ABC News Blogs;
Dental Assistant Fired For Being 'Irresistible', by Alyssa Newcomb, ABC News Blogs

Here's the link in case you're interested;

I found it most striking and disturbing that this decision was upheld by the court system!  Their decision merely confirms that men can do whatever they want with a woman.  Those acts, however, do not just happen in the work place or with genetic women!  They happen in private places to weaker men as well, I speak from experience.  Now I let men do what they want with me, I'm told I'm asking for it! 

Who knows?  Maybe I am!  But maybe I just learned to accept that I'm different!  I mean, what else is a gay man who happens to enjoy wearing frilly intimates like a woman under his man-drab supposed to do?  It's really a rhetorical question.

But on a more serious note, I sincerely hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas and a glorious, safe, and happy New Year!


Friday, December 21, 2012

T-girls and makeup

Certain T-girls seek out admirers for sex, I'm one and I know it.  I know I'm gay and I know I have a strong desire to have sex with a man, cross dressing merely helps me.  I also know I need all the help I can get, so, I rely on plenty of makeup and dressing very provocatively.

Anyone, T-girls included, can look absolutely beautiful just by taking proper care of their skin.  I'm  proof.  My advice is that T-girls should go lightly on the Sun exposure and be sure to use great moisturizers!  Healthy skin is simply the most beautiful skin there is.  Of course you know you're beautiful just the way you are but with these two simple tips in mind, you're even more ready to go!

A girl's mother also tells her daughter (GG) the same thing, she is beautiful just the way she is, but for a T-girl it seems to come only from a more distant relative or an unknown admirer.  I guess separation apparently has its value.  I can still remember things that were said to me as a gay boy as I bloomed into a transvestite in San Francisco.  My aunts and I put lots of weight into what was said about me by my own Mother.  Bless her.

At the risk of coming across as shallow, Snookie, of Jersey Shore fame, twitted she was not wearing makeup one day.  I have to admit the first thought in my mind was "who cares"?  I know I didn't!  The idea of T-girls being interested is not so surprising to me, especially when it's a look at a biological and genetic woman.  We T-girls are particularly driven to make comparisons between ourselves and real women all the time, and I, as just one type of T-girl, would absolutely hate to come up short when viewed by a perspective or potential admirer.

IMHO, a little too much makeup makes a T-girl like me shout she's available.  While playing dress up is fine it's only one part of the total image, actions also play a huge roll and so does makeup!  All "real life" T-girls aren't usually bad about wearing makeup, they do just fine for the most part.  Wearing "too much" simply has the up-side of free advertising as far as I'm concerned!

All GGs and real women go through this phase as well, and I bet some guys do, too, although that may be to a lesser extent.  I remember going through it as I  learned I was a femme gay and began wearing female clothes.  I no longer suffer this phase, I know what I am.

As far back as high school I used to have to have makeup on every single day or I would simply not go to school.  I have one memory that stands out in my mind in particular, I started out going to school but had to turn back.  I suddenly realized I had completely forgotten to put on any makeup!  I was actually shocked.  As I look back now, I ask myself what in the world was I thinking or, more importantly, was I thinking at all?

Why was it so important for me to be wearing makeup?  Who would care?  The answer of course was a certain group of boys and ME!  I realize the boys were just another part of my femme growing pains but they're ones I really learned the most from, I needed them to grow.

Snookie has beautifully soulful brown eyes (like me) but for me to achieve the same kind of eyes I need layers of gunk and false eyelashes.  Add to that all kinds of beard cover bronzer and I get that "natural" pretty coppery look!  I know I'm a "fake" woman rather than a natural, after all, I am a fake woman rather than a natural one.

But what if all adults told T-girls we were beautiful just the way we are?  Well, I say why not just tell us that!  Say it often enough and we will believe you!  Most T-girls will even thank you for it.   Maybe then as T-girls we would also be quick to embrace the strange idea of being a real girl!  But this society is not going to do that any time soon.

Getting back to reality, one tip I wish to share with every T-girl is that if you plan to travel, say to a hotel or motel, a well organized makeup kit will be your best companion.  A simple, well stocked case can be used and easily carried into any location for that special event.  You may even add super-value!

I strongly feel the need to say, read, read, read!  Test all brands for everything.  I've read someplace you should also have a few face charts to write down what makeup you use for a reference.  I recommend you also take plenty of  facial pictures to compliment those references.  Remember, don't be intimidated into thinking you need to merely have products from big makeup companies only, make your choices then use what you've learned.  Try to keep your makeup fresh and keep on learning!

Beauty is NOT so natural for even a real women but we all know it is glamorous, it's usually uplifting, and might just make the difference!  Make-overs can also be life changing experiences for most.  I hope you've gotten some ideas by reading these recommendations.  I want to close by saying every T-girl is beautiful just the way she is.

Please let me know what you think of my writing.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

As I put on my day-dress

It's becoming very accepted to express personal sexual preferences these days.  As you may or may not know my preferences include wearing a dress and makeup then allowing myself to get picked up so I can behave very naughty while being very NSA for very vulgar and demanding men .. without question!  I'm sure that's just my need to be humiliated coming through.

Doing the "dirty deed" in private seems to workout best for everyone and, in order to remove any and all doubts about me, I confirm I'm a male to female cross dresser who is firmly a bottom gay homosexual.  I tell every potential "date" those facts well before we actually "do it".  I think that removes all doubts.

My close friends, despite the way I approach the issue, all tell me I have low morals and zero self-respect.  I happen to think my morals are exactly correct and my compass is precisely where it ought to be.  After all, I AM a cross dressing gay man and I simply "do it" for all other interested men regardless of their race, religion or endowment.  I do not discriminate and while I'm hoping for another LTR, I also do not wish to digress.

Most of my days (as opposed to my nights) are consumed by reading books, magazines, and periodicals.  I especially enjoy T-articles.  Wonder why that is, LOL!  I also like to think of myself as a writer.  I enjoy "personals" from all sides of the gender issue and I get most of my writing ideas through those same personals.  What I've noticed, however, is that a large and notable segment of women-looking-for-men (ISO) have what I can only call an impossible specification list about what a female expects from a guy.  While this "list of requirements" rarely makes me laugh out loud, it does make me smile.  I simply wonder how a man can possibly meet all the obligations put on him by a woman who is a stranger to him?

I also wonder if these women bother to ask themselves before posting;  Do they really want a nice guy?  Might they be locked into a fantasy, ergo the wish list?  Do they want a guy with a gigantic cock who is also a heavy cumer?  And do they want him forever?

I know I would absolutely love a man fitting that last description!  Ouch!

IMHO, these demands show me a kind of rigidity and a tendency to lack any compromise.  This happens during face to face meetings as well and almost always spells defeat.  It's exactly the same for my selective T-girl friends.  It is because of these unrealistic demands that most T-girls do not get a response from an honest, good, or decent guy in the first place.  I mean just imagine, what "other" thing could a "good" man possibly want from a female?  Care to venture a guess?

The likelihood of EVER getting a serious response from an honest, good, or decent guy is pretty slim.  That's because the guy might feel he's gonna come up short, or he has other issues like being married with children.  He simply moves on to the next available piece because he still wants to get off!  This single, specifically-specified, relationship is doomed to fail from the get-go unless it follows the purpose of the commonly accepted hook-up but that's not likely.

As an FYI, an LTR seems more likely in today's society so long as it's kept private.  I do not kiss and tell and do not recommend anyone else to either!

It's been my experience that most GG's, along with a few T-girl friends of mine, constantly re-define what they expect from a man.  For his part, the guy ends up thinking he is expected to constantly guess what those expectations were.  Many types of woman never stop re-defining their expectations or changing their old ones to be far different from what they originally defined them to be!  The result:  the man, doing the best and right thing, ends up with a ball and chain which lasts as long as he allows it.  Until he eventually gets fed-up with her and goes elsewhere, he feels both obligated and stuck.

That stuck-ness is my cue, that's where I fit in!  I'm cheaply adorned and he has singled me out for a meaningless moment of sexual release.  I can accept that.  As a side note, however, perhaps he has something against his wife, ergo, his sex may be kinda violent in its own way, so I need to accept that as well.  If the shoe fits, wear it!  I do!  I merely accommodate him.

I have no intention to offend anyone by writing this, I simply found an article on-line and reflected on it as I put on my dress and poured my morning coffee.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Sandy Hook elementary school

The shooting and massacre of the people in Sandy Hook was terrible.  My heartfelt sympathies go out to all the families affected.

While I cried like a baby when I heard the horrible news, this raised many questions in my mind but my main question remains, Why did Adam Lanza do this?

It has been reported he was a smart guy!  Was he somehow convinced December 21, 2012, was the end of the world and he was merely "saving" the children?  Or, was he just another loony who got his hands on a few guns?  We'll probably never know the truth, he's dead.

It matters little what one thinks of him because the gun debates are getting into full swing in DC and other cities while gun sales have spiked all across this country because of the potential to dis-arm citizens.  I find that fact not only interesting but very telling!  You can read about this activity via most search engines. 

Its been said, To ignore a fact does not change it.

I fear Sandy Hook is simply a horrendous tragedy which will be repeated in many cities throughout this nation.  I know, I'm pessimistic.  In my opinion, however, it's far beyond, and a bit too late, to regulate or legislate.  Sadly, I think we're no closer to seeing the end of this and it is but one indicator of our society.

Again, all I can offer is my sympathies.  I am soooo sorry!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I just read that Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton delivered a blunt warning to squabbling Balkan leaders.  I have absolutely no desire to talk politics here.

I only wish to say I was taken by the picture of her and wondered, does she do the same kinds of things I do?  To put it in a more blunt manner, does she suck cock?  I know I do, I think Monica did as well.

To me, her public hair style indicates she does, and her public hair style might also be a flag for her hubby Bill.  Only she and he knows!

FYI, I think this because I comb my hair the exact same way when I'm done sucking a cock or taking a Golden Shower.  I put on a little lipstick and no one knows what I've been up to!  Simply said, put on a wig and fix my face makeup afterward and I'm seen as normal by unknowing passers-by despite the fact the man I've done knows I'm a total tramp. 

Just curious.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

My day begins just like any other human.

Not long ago I made a comment to a blog about a man who was diagnosed as trans-sexual by Department of Corrections doctors after being in prison for 20 years.  I have no idea what stirred that situation up, except that he wanted the state to pay for his operation.  The state in question is Massachusetts, the crime was murder.

I said it mattered little that a tranny serving a 1990 sentence for murdering his wife (we have no details on that) and now wanting a sex change that the MA Dept of Corrections doctors said he qualified for, was no big deal.  My logic was, after all is said and done, compared to the expenses already spent catching him, having him go to court and sentencing him, not to mention the stuff he's gotten since being in prison, and the fact his wife is still dead, what does it matter who pays for his sex change?

The public responses ranged everywhere from "let me cut it off and shove it down his throat!", to "isn't MURDER cruel and unusual punishment on the victim?", and "just ask someone to shank his ass...problem solved ... Hopefully someone will before the surgery."

To my post an anonymous poster said, "You also do not see having sex without commitment as no big thing.  In reality, without morals and ethics, we have no social contract or rights."  I wouldn't disagree except to say I think I'm different than the majority of humanity.

Having said that, my day starts the same as anyone else's, except that I wake up at my leisure by the Sun coming in through my window.  It makes little difference if it's 7 AM or 2 PM, I can lay in my snug and warm bed all day if I want.  I have no job to go to, no boss to report to, no place I need to be.  Some say "I'm lucky", I call it being retired.  It's not that much but I worked for it!

I worked for the US government for over 25 years providing "services" and now the same government pays me to do nothing.  My retirement is paid with tax dollars, so, thanks goes out to all those who pay taxes, myself included!  Without a retirement (limited as it is) I'd have to keep on working and I simply loath Wal-Mart. 

Since I retired I thought it safe enough to "come out" and allow my sexual orientation to freely flower.  Thinking about my retirement today I'm still, in many ways, providing services, lol!  The biggest difference is, I very much like providing them.

I get out of my warm bed dressed in only my panties and my see-through nightgown.  I put on my robe, which is floor length and made of silk, my slightly heeled slippers, and walk to the kitchen to make myself some coffee.  While I make my coffee I look out my kitchen window and see the parked cars below.  Some of the owners are very familiar.  When I'm finished starting my brew I go into the living room and look out the picture window to see what the day has in store for me.  I see more cars below.

Looking at them reminds me I may get busy later, I'm a biological male who thinks I'm female.  I'm a mtf transvestite and I love all men.

As I wait for the coffee, I open my Kindle to the Calendar and look at the times I've set up for any appointments.  Some days I barely have time between appointments to change my outfits and fix my makeup, let alone take a shower.  Other days I have plenty of time between appointments and some days I have no appointments at all. 

I actually appreciate those days without appointments.  Maybe it's my age.

I take inventory of my bar as I walk past it because most of my appointments usually involve alcohol and I like to keep it well stocked, I drink alcohol very sparingly.  As I pour myself a cup of motivation and sit at the dinning room table, I pull my note pad and write out my grocery list; butter, eggs, cheese, bread, sugar, the usual list of needs.  What I need in the way of booze is also written down.  I usually have to make a daily stop at the local liquor store because I offer drinks and most men drink alcohol when they come over.

In my coffee I add plenty of cream and sugar, I use them so I can't taste the coffee.  I'll have my usual two cups and take my shower.  As I dry myself off, I check my reflection in the full length mirror on the bath room door.  Despite being a biological male I make sure I'm shaved smooth all over and I look long and hard at myself.  I'm looking for any tell-tale signs of advancing age.  Perhaps my stomach is too swollen for a corset, or maybe my chest looks a bit odd without the plastic breasts, or my legs are no longer stocking ready.  I think I look OK.

The penis between my legs is very tiny and almost unnoticeable.  It draws up into my circumcised skin and bending over merely reminds me that I fervently wish I could meet a professional who would remove my testicles!  I really have no need for them any more.  My penis has become more a clitoris and, while its always been kind of small, its now usually damp.  I've become used to the dampness and I simply put an Always brand dry-pad into my panties, then I begin changing my entire bodily looks...

I'm not a 24/7/365 male to female and I live alone, I have nothing of worth to offer save my experiences.  My body is simply what gets me noticed, it always has, I just enhance what others like to see.

When I go out to the store I hear the occasional obscenities, I'm not deaf.  I sometimes think the person saying them wants me to hear them.  Normally they're whispered behind my back but it doesn't seem to matter if I'm window shopping for dresses or in a store buying groceries.  I'm used to them, in many ways I actually expect them, and for the most part, I simply ignore them.  Usually.

Rarely are the insults yelled at me or the insulters violent confrontationalists.  If I think that kinda thing is gonna happen, it'll happen in the parking lot late at night as I walk alone to my car.  I simply explain the situation to the check out clerk and ask that I be escorted out.  While this request is quite normal, it usually creates problems of its own but most stores ultimately tell someone to walk me out.

Allow me to share a typical experience with you.

To begin, a manager, usually a man, has to get involved so I wait for him and then I have to explain my take on the situation to him .. again.  Usually more than one person comes to greet me, I suspect the other person is just curious or a witness.  Regardless if the manager, or other person, is a man or woman I get "looked over" from head to toe by both, no comments are made and the facial expressions are blank.  I wind up getting escorted by the newest employee or the most timid, or both.  The real irony is that even if the guy is a muscle bound brute he may not care for transvestites!  Whenever an escort is given to me it does little to alleviate my fears and I ask the clerk to wait as I start my car and drive away. 

I'm still very scared and I know I could be followed and raped or killed in my car or beside my apartment building and no one is going to do anything about it except watch or take pictures with a cell phone.  I was actually attacked once before.  I was "saved" by two policemen but, when I went to thank the person who called them after I got out of the hospital, I was told, "If I had known you were a queer wearing a dress, I would've let them kill you.  Don't ever come back here again, faggot." and the door was slammed in my face!  So much for humanity!

The beating I took lasted less than an hour and I was lucky, yet it was a horrible experience I will never forget!  Reporting any incident to the police, in my mind, merely creates more problems.  It matters little because I'm just seen as a man who's dressed like a girl and asking for it!  The fact is, I'm a human being, a simple person who just happens to be a male to female transvestite, I'm not a prostitute! 

Because I like to have sex with men I'm accused of having low morals.  Here's an FYI for ya, I don't have sex with every man I meet but I have many man-friends who admire me for having low morals!  Interesting don't ya think?  All of these guys know what I am, they're usually married and they're willing to give me their semen.  Apparently they don't get blow jobs at home so they "let" me give it to them.  Most leave me a tip as well.  I wouldn't go so far as to call what I do work, it simply lets me be a woman and I feel good about that.

What I learned is that what I do just happens to pay part of my rent, it allows me to have utilities, cable TV, a Play Station 3 with lots of the latest games, and, best of all, it lets me meet different admiring men.  I like the part about meeting different admirers the best!  I'm a male to female transvestite, I can't get pregnant or have children, and I'm not so sure I even want children anyway!  I have found word of mouth (so to say) to be very effective but, more importantly, the stories firmly allow me to be a woman.

Let me leave you with this tid-bit of info; if an established man-friend wishes to bring a new man to me, my only requirement is that they accompany this new guy and introduce us.  During that introduction we can all sit and I'll fix drinks, we have that drink and discuss his and my preferences for rubbers and lube, STDs, what he likes and what I am.  Everything is known well beforehand and there's no surprises. 

Another tid-bit of info, all men may be created equally but they don't remain equal!  They're very individualistic regarding their sexual behavior and mannerisms, and some are cheap!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Witch-hunt in Iraq or an Islamic justified killing?

A BBC investigation has revealed Iraqi law enforcement agencies are involved in the systematic persecution of gay men and women in the country.  It's a very terminal and deadly persecution.

Activists claim dozens, if not hundreds, of gay people have been killed while the Western-backed government turns a blind eye - or worse.  I can only imagine what "worse" the USA can do!  The UN tells the BBC that neglecting these acts of violence makes the Iraqi state a "perpetrator" in the crimes, however, victims are in hiding.  Reality sets in.

In post-occupation Iraq, where we hunted then hung Saddam and US troops left for Afghanistan, being gay, or even looking gay, can be a death sentence.  Of course it depends on who makes that call.

It's very difficult to determine how many homosexuals have been killed in so called "honor killings" by their own families let alone the number of gays (suspected or otherwise!) who have been killed in private at the hands of the militias. 

One BBC investigation has found that law enforcement agencies are actively involved in ongoing, systematic, and organized violence against gay people while the Iragi government heartily refuses to admit to it.  Can you say, "Stonewalling"?

Once targeted, most gay people in Iraq have nowhere to hide.  There is only one safe house in all of Baghdad (which is pretty big!) that can house a mere three people.  I find that hard to believe but because other shelters have been raided and shut down by the government, the names of the group operating that safe house has not been publicly named, nor will others who operate similar houses.

In other news ....

An Israeli filmmaker living in California went into hiding after a YouTube trailer of his movie attacking Islam's prophet Muhammad sparked angry assaults by ultra-conservative Muslims on U.S. missions in Egypt and Libya.  The trailer has been on YouTube since July!

The U.S. ambassador to Libya and three American members of his staff were killed during this uprising and I think it odd that this was in sync with 911 in America.

Wonder what that says?

Speaking by phone Tuesday from an undisclosed location, the film writer and director, 56-year-old Sam Bacile, remained defiant saying Islam is a cancer and that his film is intended to be a provocative political statement condemning the religion.  It is, however, not religious.

His movie has only been shown once to a nearly empty theater in Hollywood.  The AP said Bacile was "apologetic" about the ambassador's death but blamed lax security and the extremists who perpetrated the attack, "I feel the security system at the embassies is no good," he said. "America should do something to change that." 

I see nothing needs to change, we do the best we can to protect our own.

President Obama condemned the attacks in a statement Wednesday but it is said he made a clear reference to the "Innocence of Muslims" film as well.  He said, "While the United States rejects efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others, we must all unequivocally oppose the kind of senseless violence that took the lives of these public servants,"

While I feel a great sorrow for the loss of life, I fail to see the reference.

It was also reported that Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton also referenced the movie and said, "Some have sought to justify this vicious behavior, along with the protest that took place at our embassy in Cairo yesterday, as a response to inflammatory material posted on the Internet,"

Ms. Clinton added, "America's commitment to religious tolerance goes back to the very beginning of our nation.  But let me be clear.  There is no justification for this.  None."

IMO, do be prepared to see US ground troops go into Iraq very soon.  The cost will surely be staggering, all of our taxes will rise, but it will change nothing for trans-persons.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Hooked on being a woman

Yes, like the title says; it's very easy to become hooked on being a woman.

I was motivated to write this because I read Jamiesgotagun blog.

Being a "fake" woman has been my only solution to me and it happens that I love it!  Being that fake woman means I can get most men to look at me, they love to look at me!  A choice few will hit home runs and get to fuck me.  Full of myself, I know.

That said, I'm a slut all the time and I have only two out of three things a GG has, if I'm asked I always tell him what I am and I offer both to him for free!

The "lucky" men (the admirers) usually make a seminal deposit in or on me and I'm always very weak when they're done with me.  As a side note I simply love that feeling!  A few leave money for me which I see as a tip and it's my opinion they're treating me exactly like a real woman!  I simply allow them to sexually use me and they simply pay for my make-up, dry cleaning and jewelry.  Simple!

Noteworthy is the idea that most men still think they own a woman and they see most women as prostitutes anyway.  Being a male to female cross dresser who's gay, I merely fill a niche.

Nothing is free in life and absolutely nothing is going to happen in this world without human involvement.  What happens to me as a female is simply way more important to me than any worldly affair.  A human life is way too cheap and a lifetime is way too short!  Guess that last notion makes me a bitch, too.  As far as I'm concerned, however, I'm in a win-win situation!

It's my opinion that honest love is long past and a mystery at best, ergo, I present as a modern day slut.  It seems to be easier to understand; a man looks at me and maybe he gets lucky enough to fuck me.  I am a genuine "tranny" after all and I'm sure I'll die eventually.  Perhaps it will be from being killed (that happens way too often in this polite society) or AIDS, the cure for that is not coming any time soon!

C'est le vie, c'est le gerre!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

I saw this article and it may help explain me...

As most of you know, I'm a male to female cross dresser and I enjoy having sex with men, I'm gay.  As I read this article about Charity Sex I originally thought Heidi might be a T-girl, too!  She's not, however, I Googled her.

The fact is, I've actually done Charity Sex for a very long time.  In fact, it is because of Charity Sex I didn't get beat-up as often as many other boys and it was instrumental in how I came to obtain my low morals. 

Over my cross dressing and queer career, I've come to learn one thing about most every man; they usually want quickie NSA sex from an unknown bitch or slut.  The men I've performed for told me they prefer I "look" exactly that way.  Apparently, they're not too particular what gives them their release, it just has to look like a woman.  It can be so-so at sucking cock so long as it does that without question.

I prefer dark and private places and highly recommend deserted parking lots and parked cars!

Because I'm gay I've learned that men, almost all men, have enormous dicks.  They make behaving like a naughty woman a challenge.  Ironically, they also believe that they are allowing a woman to have sex with them.

I feel it's really a gift you not only give to your partner, you give to yourself. 

One night I heard a loud party going on above me.  So, I turned off the TV, listened, and decided to join the party and hoped to take one (or three!) for the team.  I didn't head into my bedroom or get sexy, I went upstairs and offered oral sex to every man who wanted it.  And you know what?  I was actually pretty busy for some time!  They were letting a porn movie run in the background but weren't really watching it, they were sitting on the sofa watching me suck cock!

I used to think I did it because the guy was feeling down or a blow job merely gave him a boost and I was a queer.  I quickly learned I especially enjoyed doing it because it's been days, weeks, or even months without him having any sex at all and I absolutely, without question, love his climax!

I feel oral sex is not only for him but it's also for me.  I care less if he's fresh from the shower or tastes like piss, he's all wound up and "wants" it while I simply enjoy it!  Fortunately, there's nothing like a little free-bee oral sex to help lift a horny man out of that wasteland of a "routine" rut.  I merely put myself in a questionable position and wear obviously short dresses!

I make it a habit to never confuse charity sex with pity sex.  You may or may not know they're nothing alike.  Pity sex is .. well, just pity.  This kind of sex leaves me a little resentful because I'm told I "have to" do it.  Charity sex on the other hand, is something you voluntarilly want to do.  I think of it like this: Pity sex is about me being forced to check sex off my to-do list, while Charity sex is all about a win-win situation with a man!  And who knows where that might lead?

Yes, I know, some will say; Why have sex if you're only getting him off?

Well, for starters, I enjoy it!  I also know I speak for myself when I say, making my orgasm a goal puts a lot of needless pressure on both of us.  Being gay, having low morals and being a male to female cross dresser is what I am.  I never worry about my orgasm, I simply focus on his. 

I hear the endearing sounds he makes and the taste of his ejaculate confirms my accomplishment.  All his actions are merely responses to my womanly wiles.  I do my best to enjoy the entire process while I'm allowed to be his personal he/she cock-sucking bitch and I get to experience everything about the experience.  His cumming might take a long time but I know he'll eventually cum, it's only physical, it's biology.

The destination is usually never thought of as more important than the journey, but it is an important step.  If one path doesn't get you to where you want to be, try another!  Boys did that for me.  Forcing yourself to go through the motions of giving multiple blow jobs can actually lead to you getting more things.  It works!

With most sex you may not feel you're in the mood but if you wait for the desire to arrive you could be waiting for a very long time.  Instead, why not take the initiative?  I know I'm a T-girl and I know life is simply too short, adopting low morals ought to be a plus!

In closing, I recommend every T-girl has the blessing of sex, especially oral, but by all means forget about your orgasm and forget the big tips.  You know you simply passed his examination because you can taste it.  If you do get a nice tip, good for you! 

Remember, it's charity.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Thought I'd try my hand at writing fiction

I read some where that the Internet is 55% porn and 45% writers.  I wonder are they writers of porn?  It is said the biggest difference between fact and fiction is that fiction has to follow believability.  They also say there's a kernel of truth in all fiction and that the true art is separating it from that truth.  Please allow me to offer this:

When I lived in South San Francisco with my wife we had a small apartment on the ground floor of a six apartment complex.  We moved there after moving around from place to place because we were making more money and things were getting better for us.  My wife had just gotten pregnant so we figured we needed a place closer to her home and family. 

Our next door neighbor was a man named Don Williams who lived with many girl friends, coincidentally all name Barbara.  He worked as a security guard at the local shopping mall and he stole things on a regular basis.  I always thought he was a bit strange and might've been quietly violent with his live-in girl-friends because I know they rarely stayed with him very long.

One incident I clearly remember was when he left a puppy in the garage.  This garage was a common area type space shared by three families.  I parked my car in one of the garage stalls along with an older woman’s daughter who attended college, and Don.  The woman had three other children in school and was working because her husband had left her for another woman about four years earlier.  Her life didn't need to be complicated by Don and she parked on the street anyway.

No one knew the puppy was in the garage because Don didn’t tell anyone!  Needless to say the puppy growled at someone and one of the three main garage doors was left open.  The puppy was let out by accident.  Apparently it was now lost.

Don went to each person who shared the garage and asked if they left one of the doors open and allowed his puppy to get out.  As he went from apartment to apartment he also had a gun in his hand at his side.  He told me that he was going to shoot the person he felt was responsible for letting his puppy out.  I assured him it wasn’t me and I said he didn't need to have the gun because I knew the woman was as scared as I.

Evidently, what I said didn't matter to him and I would learn a lot about him later.

The dog was found and all was forgiven, but Don never came back to update us.  The cops were called but didn't show and the woman moved away unceremoniously.  What an incident!

Meanwhile, I have always had a strong desire to cross dress and preferred men over women for sex but married a real woman so I would seem "normal and straight" to my family and friends.  I thought I was strong enough to be seen as another queer but I thought that's what they wanted from me.  But I digress. 

I hid my cross dressing desires and my homosexual likes from my wife.  While she was away at work, I was cross dressing almost every day.  I used lipstick and beard cover make up, otherwise I was without it.  I would put on a dress and heels and clean the apartment.  On the nights she told me she would be working late I felt I had plenty of time to go full out with complete face make up.  It was on one of these nights that Don somehow spied on me. 

A few days later he came over to my apartment, co-incidently, just after my wife was gone on her way to visit her mom in the city.  He knocked on my door and started a rather complex conversation.  I was wearing my bath robe as I answered the door.

He said, “Hi” to me and then told me he thought he saw my sister here at the apartment a day or two before.  I told him my sister has never been here and he must have been mistaken.  He looked at the floor and insisted she must have been here, or else he had been imagining it all.  We laughed. 

He then got very serious and pointed at my feet and asked, “Are you wearing nylons?”

I looked down at my feet.  I was totally focused on the time of my wife's departure and subsequent return  and was in the process of putting on my feminine underwear when he knocked.  I simply forgot to put on pajamas and slippers.  I just stared at him because I didn't know what to say.  He interrupted my answer by telling me what my "sister" looked like. 

I found his description disarming!  His choice of words were very exact.

He described my sister as being exactly my height, about my same weight, maybe a bit lighter.  She had dark shoulder length hair that easily could have been a wig, dark eyes, wore the perfect amount of make up to suit him by the way and, oh yeah, she had very nice full looking bright red lips!  He paused and said he really liked a girl who wore her make up a bit on the heavy side because it turned him on, it made him horny as hell.  He was holding his dick at the time and asked, ”Ya know what I mean?”

I ignored the fact I was obviously wearing pantyhose and told him again he must be mistaken because my sister doesn't look anything like me.  I said good-bye and began to shut my apartment door but he blocked me by using his foot.  He said he might have to agree with me about my sister but then asked if he could come in for a few minutes?

Not wishing to cause a scene and knowing he had a gun, I invited him in.  He asked for some coffee and I got it for him.  While my back was facing him he mentioned my nylon covered calves and said they were kind of sexy.  He also said heels would probably enhance my already nicely shaped butt.  I said nothing, I was thinking what does he expect from me?  What does he want?  We took our seats at the kitchen table and he went on describing "her" to me but this time in greater detail.

He said she was wearing a body shirt which was loud pink, long sleeved, and had ruffles up the front.  This was puled over a bright red bra, the kind that went down to your hips.  You could only kind of see through the sleeves.  He said she also wore a brown mini skirt type dress with a bib front, it was a full skirt with straps which buttoned onto the bib front of the dress, like a maid might wear.  He said he remembered his live-in girls called that an A-line skirt.  As he sipped his coffee he looked directly at me and added, “The skirt was so short I could see her yellow panties when she sat down next to the bed to put on her heels.”

I was absolutely shocked!  He must have seen me, but how?

He casually added that watching her do that was a real turn-on for him!  He said looking up a girl's skirt was something he really got off on and he was very glad for the fitted mini.  He went on to describe her jet black shiny nylons, and 4 inch silver spiked high heels.  When he finished he just smiled and sipped his coffee. 

I knew he was describing me from two days earlier and his description was to a tee!  I knew this because it was my only drag outfit.  I said, "I can’t think of anything to say, Don.  You obviously know no woman like that was ever here.  So, what do you want from me?"
He then said, in a reflective manner,  "I can even remember the make up she was wearing, too.  She had the brightest red lips, they shined like they had glitter on them, or maybe they were just coated in really shinny lip gloss.  Her lips stand out in my mind.  I liked looking at them."

"Anything else, Don.", I said.

"Her big seductive brown eyes were colored the perfect shade of blue and pink, with the longest, darkest lashes I've ever seen on a woman, they had to be fake.  Her cheeks were a very sexy purple-ish pink combo and the long dangly earrings with the tight necklace and wrist bracelets were a special turn on for me." 

Like I said, it was me to a tee!  This was also my best make up scheme!  To change the subject, I asked him about her tits, did he see them?  He replied, "No, I didn't really see her actual tits, nope.”  He sipped more coffee and suddenly he pointed his finger at me and said, almost as an after thought, “I didn't see no pussy on her either, though.”

There was a pregnant pause and he then looked me squarely in the eye and said, “I'll bet she would've sucked a cock!” 

I became angry and indignant and admitted he was actually talking about me!  I told him to stop it!  He seemed to ignore what I said and went on, “She just looked like she was the type that wanted to suck somebody's cock.  I'll even bet she would’ve sucked anybody's cock no matter who was willing to give it to her.  What do think, Bill?" 

I didn't know how to answer.  He finished with, "Ya know, now that I think about it, she could’ve been your twin sister.  I mean your identical twin sister, except for the moustache."

He stood, and with an exhaled breath for emphasis, said I should follow him to his apartment.  He said I wouldn't need any shoes, he had something on his bed for me.

I was somewhat dejected and didn’t finish my coffee, I just got up and went with him.  I suspected he was going to ask me to give him a blow job.  I didn't know how I'd do that but I would!

Once inside his apartment he looked me in the eyes, and while pointing at my feet, he told me I should quit playing games.  I hung my head and admitted to dressing as a woman, I was numb.  He told me to go into the bedroom and check out what he had for me.

I went into the bedroom to see what it was and I was only mildly shocked.  He had spread on his bed a new package of black seamed nylons, a new red and purple garter belt, the real wide kind with six belts, a black long-line bra trimmed with silver sequins next to a box of falsies, and an expensive long red straight hair wig.  There was also a shoe box with white heels in it and a red camisole trimmed in white fur with matching panties.  He also had a basic assortment of make up and a bottle of cheap perfume.

I turned around to face him and asked what he expected me to do with this stuff.  His smile was kind of evil and his answer was very direct.  He opened my robe, looked me up and down and said, "Simple.  Put it on.  Go kind of heavy on the make up, Bill, and especially heavy on your lips.  Use just a bit of the perfume and come back into the living room and show me what kind of woman you are.” 

"You've got to be kidding!" I protested. 

“Nope.", he said.  "I think you can handle that, baby."  And he moved in so close I could smell his breath and said, "If  I like what I see, I’m gonna be nice to you and fuck you in your faggot ass.” 

He backed away and said, "That's what you want isn't it, bitch?"

I was still a virgin and I was scared shitless!  I just knew if I stayed I would be raped.  I started to run.  I was going to head for the front door and go into my own apartment.  I had no clue what I would do if he knocked again. 

He grabbed me by my upper arm, spun me around and pinned my arm behind my back and held me up against the wall with his full body.  He stopped me very effectively.  Between his weight pressing me against the wall and his knee in my crotch he told me I might want to see some Polaroids he had also taken of me in drag. 

"I don't think I'm kidding, faggot!", he said.  “Now hurry up, we only have until your wife comes home in two days!"  He was wickedly laughing as he let go of me and walked away.

I didn't know what else I could do, I began to cry.  He came back to me and lifted my head by my chin and got real close and said he didn’t care if I cried like a little bitch, as long as I did as he told me.  I slid down the wall and sat on the floor crying, he lifted me back onto my feet and told me to go get girly for him.  He said, "To me you're a woman."

He also reminded me we had two whole days to get to know each other.  I resigned myself to the fact I was going to be sexually abused by him and sobbed as I got dressed for him.

I did my best makeup and when I was totally dolled up I went into the living room.  I was proud and stood in the middle of the living room and displayed myself to him.  He sat on the couch looking at me.  He made me turn around for him, slowly, so he could get a good look.  He had me turn around four times.  He walked over to me when my back was facing him and rubbed my ass, he said, "You’re one fine looking dick sucker, for a guy with a dick of his own.  I'm gonna like fucking you!” 

We were standing in the middle of his living room, I was dressed like a female whore and he was looking more and more like my date.  He told me he fixed some cigarette tobacco mixed with cyanide in a pipe for me while I was getting dressed.  Then he gave the pipe to me and lit it, he told me to smoke it.  He told me to take "manly" sized hits and be sure to in-hale.  While I smoked he rubbed my thighs and fondled my bare ass, he said with heels I actually made a pretty good looking woman. 

I took one big hit and got very high, very quickly.  Higher than I ever got before!  With just a few hits my head was buzzing and my vision was blurred.  I told him I was getting dizzy and couldn't take any more.  He insisted I take more hits and pushed the pipe back into my mouth.  I sucked down a few more times and I managed to tell him I could barely stand.  My voice sounded slurred to me as if I were drunk and I think he said, “Then get on your knees, faggot!” 

He let me fall to my knees and then laughed.  He told me, “Go get it, fag”. 

I fumbled to open his pants and because my vision was blurred I think his cock was about four inches long, thick as anything and perfectly straight.  I licked his shaft a few times and sucked on him in the middle of his living room with only the sheer curtains to block the view of the people who were walking past his ground floor window.  I'm certain they could see what was going on because he told me a few did double takes. 

Don moved us around so we gave a perfect profile.  I hoped they couldn't make out details, but I know they saw someone dressed like a whore doing the nasty on a man!  His cock grew a bit larger and got stiffer as I sucked and licked.  He was not cut and he was oo-ing and ah-ing along with calling me dirty names.  Soon he announced he was about to shoot his load into my faggot mouth.  I recall he felt as if he had more cum in him than any of the men I saw in the pornos I owned!  His semen was like thick rope!  It tasted like the usual salty raw warm eggs and flooded my mouth.  Some dripped out over my lips.

He told me to stay on my knees and not to wipe my mouth.  I did.  He said, "I want to remember this moment forever." 

He got his camera and told me to pull my panties down so my penis and testicles were visible in the pictures.  He took full frontal pictures of me, both close up and distanced.  My face, complete with eye make up, moustache and cum dripping red lips was very clear.  It would be difficult for anyone to not see this was me cross dressed and queer finishing up a blow job.

We slept together that night and I lost my anal virginity to him as well, he hurt but I became his "woman”.

I also became his on demand suck bitch from that point on.  He always made me smoke and took pictures afterward which he said he would use to black mail me for more oral sex.  This went on for almost a year.    He didn't have to!  During that time I'm sure I willingly gave him more than 175 blow jobs.  All at my convenience sure, but usually the way he liked it and where he wanted it done. 

Months and months later we were caught in the laundry room by Ralph, a man who lived upstairs from Don.  Ralph didn't know me but he saw me on my knees holding onto Don's rock hard cock.  I looked back at him and just put Don's hard on in my mouth and began sucking.  I wondered what he thought when he saw that.  He watched me for quite some time before he left us.  Luckily for me Ralph was also a very heavy drinker, so he must’ve thought I was just a queer who lived in the apartment on the other end of the building and Don liked queers.

Other times, when we had more time because of my wife's absence, I would wear very heavy make up and dress like a complete slut.  Usually Don drove his car very slowly through residential neighborhoods and had me suck his cock.  Sometimes he wanted me to suck it and it mattered little if it was day or night while we parked at the mall or in the park.  I'm sure passers by saw us because he would tell me about them.  He got the usual charge out of being the dominate male and putting me on display as his bitch.

I hated Don at first, but I actually came to like him.  I'd been is "he/she bitch" for almost a full year and Don began stealing clothes and things for me from the Mall where he worked.  Lots of pretty things, expensive things, things he called pay for services rendered.  I confess it was almost normal! 

It was a bitter sweet relationship that ended with him moving away, I never saw him again.  I did look for him because I actually missed him.  I had no idea where to turn to for man sex!  I remember that he would get very excited when he was with me and he would always cum very quickly. 

The one thing that stands out in my mind the most is that he always told me “Thanks” after I did him.

Little did I know Don was to be the beginning of a new life for me!  He established the hunger for men in me.  Thank you, Don, where ever you are.

My wife never learned about my cross dressing and homosexual trysts with him. 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

For anyone out there reading my blog...

IMHO .. it's about damn time!

Dr Robert Grant of the Gladstone Institute said: "I think we are in a era where we can see the end of the Aids epidemic."

You can read the full article at the

Allow me to say this; while there are persons who will not take a pill everyday with regularity or consistency, there are others who will and I'd like to think this means me.

But since I do not have HIV, I could NOT get it prescribed to me!  A Catch 22 situation if ever there was one!

In fairness, some health care workers and groups active in the HIV community have opposed the approval of the drug simply because they feel the drug might increase sexual behavior between gay men.  MIGHT?  Who are they kidding?  This drug merely would open the floodgates, gay men are out there in abundance, honey!

IMHO this is the real argument, they simply don't like it when two men have sex with each other.  So much for tolerance from this intelligent, "inclusive", and polite society!

The Aids Health care Foundation actually campaigned against the drug's approval and their main opposition to approving the drug was based on concerns that users could gain a false sense of security, and they fear a new drug-resistant strain of HIV could develop.

I can see the drug resistant concern but ... there is also concern that the high cost of Truvada would make the drug less affordable and divert limited funding from more cost-effective options. 

While the researchers claim it's not, it IS about the money.  Meanwhile many homosexuals will die needlessly.

The irony is that Truvada is already approved by the FDA for people who are HIV-positive, which I am NOT, and it can be taken with existing anti-retroviral drugs, which I do not take.  Studies show that Truvada reduced the risk of HIV in healthy gay men and among HIV-negative heterosexual partners of people who are HIV-positive. 

So why can I NOT get it?  Can you say "doctor's choice"?

The Antiviral Drugs Advisory Committee, which advises the FDA, recently voted 19-3 in favor of PRESCRIBING the drug to the highest risk group; that is non-infected men who have sex with multiple male partners.  Duh?  They also approved it for uninfected people with HIV-positive partners and for other groups considered at risk of acquiring HIV through sexual activity.

This is a dream come true for everyone who has sex.  It's what I've been asking for my entire gay and trans-life, nothing more.

Mark it on your calendars!  The FDA is expected to make its decision by 15 June.

In other related news.

Neil Bowdler, Science reporter working for BBC News reported;

Almost 2,500 gay or bisexual men were randomly selected in Peru, Ecuador, Brazil, South Africa, Thailand and the United States.  Half were given the pill, half were given dummy tablets.  All were also given condoms and counselling on safe sex.

What the researchers found after almost a year of testing was that the drug appeared to cut male-to-male HIV transmission by 44%.  Those who took the pill regularly were deemed to have reduced their risk of infection further, by up to 73%.

And to think it only took a year.

The research was funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, and the federal US body, the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID).  The pills were donated by their manufacturer.

There is, however, the issue of the prohibitive cost of Truvada, which retails in the US for around $36 a day which makes the drug unaffordable to potential users.

No one is going to make it easy (or cheap!) for us!

In yet another related story; my full attention was directed here because this means trans-women exactly like me; we who have low morals.

An Over-the-counter HIV test kit which would allow people in the US to check themselves in the privacy of their homes, as to whether they have the virus or not, is a step closer.

You can read about that hopeful and helpful article at,

So, while it appears we're making progress (ha-ha) we're still on our own and we'll have to rely on each other and do whatever it takes to be ourselves.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Fare well, Mike Wallace

I wish to say that I'm saddened Mike Wallace has passed and I truly hope he's in a better place.

I found it interesting that "The Homosexuals" was Mike Wallace's controversial 1967 report that aired on CBS.  Wow, 1967, that was a long time ago!

The hour-long program, which predated "60 Minutes" and was anchored by Wallace on "CBS Reports", took on the then taboo topic of homosexuality in America.  Homosexuality is still not accepted by this society today, but it's not so much a taboo topic either!

Wallace said in the piece, "The average homosexual, if there be such an average, is promiscuous.  He is not interested in, or capable of, a lasting relationship like that of a heterosexual marriage.  His sex life, his love life, consists of a series of one-chance encounters at the clubs and bars he inhabits.  And even on the streets of the city, the pick-ups, the one night stands, these are the real characteristics of the homosexual relationship."

No wonder being viewed as a homosexual was so depraved.  It was being told that it was both wrong and dirty!  Perhaps that's why so many of us became Trans!  No, I actually don't think so.

Wearing a dress was NOT the result of being brainwashed by our own televisions!  We felt it.  I wore dresses as a simple way of justifying my personal homosexual feelings and I saw wearing a dress as a way of adding value to my self.  I was still going to do what I wanted.

The Atlantic's Conor Friedersdorf wrote, the report is "impossible to watch without cringing."  IMO, change has always been around but acceptance of that change has not!

Wikipedia has a pretty good back story on the episode, which Wallace later regretted doing, "I should have known better," he said in 1992.  Two decades ago!  That's almost as long as most trans-persons have been breathing.

Wallace also lamented that the report relied, in part, on Charles Socarides, a psychiatrist who felt homosexuality was a mental illness.  Wallace said in a 1996 interview, "That is, God help us, what our understanding was of the homosexual lifestyle a mere 25 years ago, nobody was out of the closet and because that's what we heard from doctors, that's what Socarides told us, homosexuality was a matter of shame."

A mere 25 years before!  Says a lot about this "open" and civil society.

It is said that being gay is OK, but dressing like a common female is not.  No one questions what you do as a gay person and everyone questions what you do as male to female.  After all these years not much acceptance or understanding has reached the multitudes of humanity.

God bless you, Mike.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Another look at my life

I'm very happy for boys and girls who are cross-sexed, but knowing society as I do, I'm also a bit afraid for them, too!  I read many blogs that talk about being cross-sexed and the terms used are so complicated.  I guess I was too at the ripe old age of 4 or 6, however, lmao!

Apparently, we cross-sexed people seem to know at a very early age exactly what our feelings are telling us.  It's mostly people around us who are confused.  I was a bit more lucky than most because I grew up in the San Francisco bay area where I was simply seen as just another queer who happened to like wearing female clothing.  No one understood cross sexed persons back then.

I've not been accepted by the people I care about to include my biological family and siblings.  Oddly enough, my happiest memories have been the stolen moments I spent with admiring boys.  God, what risks I used to take for them!

Let me re-tell a story about one incident regarding my cross dressing in public. 

I was in my late teen years and already fairly experienced with men, I thoroughly loved the excitement of having wanton oral sex with a man.  I was riding in a jitney bus alone going up Mission street and the seat I was in faced riders on the opposite side.  A man occupied one such seat.

It was early 1970 and I saw myself as a pioneer, I was wearing a rather fitted, obviously short dress.  I had on shear toe to tummy shinny black pantyhose and my typical loud pink panties over them, with my usual cream white patent leather spiked heels.  I smelled feminine, acted feminine, and I looked feminine. 

As I settled into my seat I noticed the man was staring at me.  Well not at me exactly, he was looking under my dress at my pink panties.  I smiled at him.  I was flattered and embarrassed at the same time.  I soon couldn't help but notice he was also slowly masturbating as he looked at me!  We made eye contact and he used his other hand to indicate I should open my legs.  I winked at him as I complied.  The other men could easily see he was masturbating but they looked at me too and said nothing.  I felt pretty good because I could make this guy jack off just by looking at me! 

A woman saw him, looked at me, and asked what was wrong with me?  She scolded me to close my legs.  She said, as a girl, I had no right to lead him on and that what I was doing was classless and bad!  She then told the driver what was going on.  The driver stopped, got out, and came back to the body of the jitney and told the man he better stop his disgusting game.  He then looked at me quizzically and asked, "Are you a real girl?"

I told him the truth.

The woman went off on me!  She called me a homosexual and faggot.  She said she never saw a boy in a girl's dress before and said it was boys like me who gave girls a bad reputation.  She was obviously flabbergasted at one acting the way I was.  She stormed off the jitney without paying. 

I opened my purse and offered to pay her fare but the driver just shook his head as he climbed back into his driver's seat and pulled away from the curb.  The man went back to looking under my dress and mastrubated himself as if nothing happened.  I just sat there and licked my lips, I had every intention of encouraging him!  I also wanted to watch him flog his meat.

After only a few blocks I couldn't take it any longer, so I asked if he wanted to get off with me.  I assured him, I could make sure he would get off on me in more ways than just one!  He shook his head yes and said, "I'd like that." 

I extended my invitation to the other two men and one guy looked me up and down but said nothing, the other said, "No thank you, you he/she bitch.  I don't fuck boys!"  I told him, he had no idea what he was missing!

The interested man and I got off at the next stop together.  He took me by the hand and we squeezed between two buildings into the middle of a field of grass where he told me to get down on my knees.  I did as he told me and waited.  I thought I saw another person look out from a window and my heart began to beat a mile a minute and my breath was comming in so fast I thought I would pass out!

I was excited by the idea we might get caught!

He opened his pants and I could see he was totally hard.  His hard-on was as white as any I've ever seen growing out of a patch of almost black curly hair, it was stiff as a piece of wood with a purple bulbous head.  I practically drooled.  He said, "All the boys who look like you give me a hard on!"  I smiled.  He told me he was going to do his best to make a real women out of me.  When he said that, I was not scared of him at all, he was allowing me to willingly play the role of a naughty woman.

He told me to open my mouth and I complied.  He proceeded to fuck my face!  There was no kissing, no touching, no rubbing, no nothing.  Just me chocking on his wood as he pushed it into my mouth and my surprise that he was done with me in less than 10 minutes!  I could taste and smell his ejaculate and my face was a mess and my dress had a total man mess all over it.  He smiled down at me and said now I looked like a real woman.  I smiled up at him.  He told me he would leave first and I was to remain where I was for about ten more minutes. 

I remember telling him "thank you" and kissing his softening prick as e pulled it away from me and put it back in his pants.  I knew I would have to fix my makeup and I heard him laugh and say he left me on my knees, he sounded like a very happy man.  I watched him go away.

I stood and fixed my makeup and the person looking out the window behind the blinds never came out to take advantage of me.  I walked the rest of the way home feeling very accomplished and knowing full well he never thanked me.  A few men tooted their car horns at me as I walked home. 

I used to long to be a real female, to have a vagina and breasts, but I don't let not having them, or anything else, stop me from doing everything and anything I want.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

We just like how it looks on us!

Never mind the Paris Hiltons, Kim Kardasians, or the other myriad of sexy women around, I ask, why do I enjoy dressing the same way they do?  Sometimes it boils down to, "We just like how it looks on us!"

Take a moment and look at how many real women who are old enough to know better but who still follow the "trends" and try to dress as if they're still their daughter's age.  There's even a word to describe them, Cougars.  It's not just my opinion that these "cougars" are simply looking for Mr Right-now and are not at all interested in finding Mr Right, it's the attitude of most men and women of society and it's very acceptable.

Agree or don't, these cougars also send the message to their teenage girls that they have to be "hot" in order to be accepted.  As a male to female transvestite I also have an affinity for men, ergo, I firmly don't believe I'm so different from those teenage girls, but because of my biological sex I do fit in a whole other category.

In reality, teen girls aren't so much the problem as the 40 and 50-somethings out there.  These cougars cut just as deeply as anyone, maybe even deeper!  While it's my opinion the cougars simply refuse to act their age, asking the question "why" begets a much larger more comprehensive issue, and it's much the same as mine.

It is a little accepted fact that teenage girls don't frequent the same clubs or bars that I do which leaves cougars, as well as other T-girls, in direct competition for cock with me!  Some of these older women are so desperately hoping for sex with a guy they dress and act in ways that make them look inappropriate (cheap) and behave foolishly (again cheap!)  I may come across as condescending but I take many of my cues directly from them!  Cougars are my best teachers.

No one is suggesting Cougars simply accept the fact most guys are not interested in them in any way other than as an NSA sex partner, I know I'm certainly hoping that's the case with regard to myself!

As for not being able to find "sexy" clothing in the regular stores which are age appropriate, may I suggest the thrift shops?  I use thrift shops and I sew.  There are many ways to be fashionable and still remain modest ... if modest is how you wish to be seen!  When I go out "hunting" for man-sex, modesty is the farthest thing from my mind!

Do some women flaunt their sex?  Are you blind?  Allow me to share.

When we were kids (back in 1960) we might leave the house looking one particular way and then change into something more "edgy" long before the school bus arrived.  I was very impressed by the girls because they left home with a fresh clean face and the usual long skirt.  Then they added the makeup, maybe added some toilet tissue to their bras and unbuttoned their blouses down to here, they also rolled up their skirts!  Ms. Hottie emerged!  It was a slut look that both the girls and the boys liked very much.  It was no wonder the girls became very popular with the boys! 

As a gay boy, I quickly learned that what you did was not nearly as important as image.  Image was everything!  In fact, it was my image which saved me a lot of ass kicking!

With Madison Avenue out and about women are simply pretty, crafty, and feel they absolutely MUST keep up with their peers.  It is argued that I chose my sex identification but I think I merely grew up like a sponge.  I simply didn't take long to learn.

In my humble opinion society is the one confused.

Thursday, March 22, 2012


This topic was recently brought up during my good friend's English class.

It would seem that teaching students to emulate highly forward thinking people would be a good thing.  The fact these forward thinking people are inclusive and obviously popular would be a huge plus.  Advocacy, as a general subject, would be well served, teaching it would be wholesome, it would of course be the right-est thing to do. 

However, doing so as a formal teacher one could easily become a victim of the scholastic system.  Political Correctness knows no bounds and WHAT you advocate is just as important as WHY.
An example is that society, as is generally viewed, does not think favorably of queers or Cross Dressers regardless if they're male or female.  Ru Paul is excepted and the topic for another subject.

Dallas Denny wrote back in 1999, that we DO eat our leaders, one only need look to Wiki-leaks and the Occupy factions to see if this is a true statement or not.  Even the President of the United States gets blamed for everything from Katrina to Health Insurance, from unemployment to gas prices, regardless of party affiliation and regardless of actual control.

In the final analysts real and honest advocacy is not that much different from war, both have causes and motivations, both have outcomes, and both are quite violent.  Not everyone is equipped to be an advocate just like everyone can not be a soldier.

I, for one, hope to have Cross Dressing advocacy around for some time, for it is nice to have people provide an anchor for us.  Unfortunately, society may never change.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

A very TOPICAL topic!

Somewhat in vouge, too!

I recently read someplace a post which made me think about conversations I had with GG's which included fellatio and anal sex.  When I think back on those conversations they were fraught with conflict and almost bordered on hostility.

One particular woman (she was from Canada, a painter artist type, and lived on a sailboat) who I felt I could confess to said, maybe I was enjoying being a woman too much!  She told me to be careful.  Then in a very graphic manner admonished me NOT to tell her husband!  Could it be that women didn’t really accept me, but paid lip-service to my situation, simply because I was neither a real woman or a real man?

Wow!  Another question to ponder!

Many conversations took place but I’ve never understood how almost all GG’s say it's OK for a man to be gay, yet, they resist their own man when he wants a little quick oral or some meaningless anal sex.  Allowing him to cross dress and act out as a homosexual is absolutely forbidden.

I did not ask them, what their preference was!

Almost to a woman they told me they only did it because he wanted it.  They said they only saw oral and anal sex as a means to get something really nice from him later in exchange, one woman mentioned a diamond necklace!  They all made it a very strong point to remind me they were real women and didn’t do that just for kicks!  A few even said it was kind of ghetto and a bit disgusting.

It must have been him that wanted anal and oral sex as part of their bedroom routine.  Which is to say, he did, but she didn’t!  That difference could lead to conflict and divorce.  It certainly explained to me why I, as a T-girl, met so many married men.  They apparently enjoyed anal and oral sex but they didn’t get it at home!

I was not so surprised to learn most women do it as an obligation only.  Many GG's do as their man tells them, but don't we all?  GG's have told me they view anal and oral sex as merely another form of birth control.  While they admit to using their mouths, which some have claimed is done as much as three times per day, most say they don't like giving head as a substitute for regular sex.

Speaking for myself, giving my LTR guy a blow job three times a day was great!  Giving three different STD free guys blow jobs in the course of a single day was my idea of heaven!

GG’s also related to me that gay females can simply use a dildo to sexually satisfy their partner using her vagina.  Some have also told me, laughingly, that 'if' they were gay, they’d use the double ended dildos!  I guess GG’s are not so different from the rest of us humans!

During these conversations, they've also told me they feel sorry for a gay man like me because we’re severely limited.  We male gays are relegated and must use only what we have depending what the guy is into.  Although I'd never say it, personally, I see him as just being into me for the moment!  lol!

I think doing what the guy wants is a normal part of being a femme.  As a T-girl, I think of oral or anal sex as anything but humiliating.  During my life I’ve given head and took it up my back-side a few times while in front of large, bare, apartment windows, knowing we were being watched via telescopes, simply because he said he wanted me that way. 

Many trysts were performed in full view of the neighbors and they rarely said anything to either of us but they always watched!  Yes, as I left the place I often got more than a few looks.  That didn’t matter to me because I was secure in knowing I also got the customary semen, which I see as another kind of satisfaction, and nothing threatening ever happened to me! 
If oral and anal sex is a humiliating sex act, then I've willingly accepted being humiliated by lots of men!  But I also wear a dress and have low morals, so, maybe I'm just really confused.

Actually, I don’t think I’m confused at all!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

I am half my father and half my mother

Growing up I was told by what I can only deem as somewhat surprised family members, that I looked much more like my mother than I did my father.  As I grew up I discovered I took on way more than just my mother's looks.  Thank you, mom, for giving me my hair, hips, and legs!

By most societal impressions, I'm gay.  However I see myself as a "femme" as opposed to a "flame", and I mean no slam or put-down toward flames!  As the expression goes, "Some of my best friends are flames!"

In keeping with my mother's gene input, my penis has been very tiny.  As a result of my being gay, older boys enjoyed making me stand before them naked and watching, and laughing, as I urinated over my testicles and it ran down my closed legs.  I wasn't hurt and I didn't judge them, but I saw them as just being boys.  Today I dress as a woman.

I read somewhere that a person could have a casual thought, or dream, about being an anatomical male or female who has the mind set of the opposite sex.  That person could expresses that opposite fully, but only within the casual thought or dream.

Professional rhetoric states that a person could also "probably" live as a member of the opposite sex, either part-time or full-time, and seek to change his or her original sex through hormonal (HRT) or sex reassignment surgery (SRS).  While these things are absolutely legal, clinically they indicate a problem within that person.


It is my opinion that a person, sexually conflicted or otherwise, is NOT a clinical problem.  A cross sexed person does not need to be fixed, they need to be accepted!

The actual demand for HRT and SRS has been historically dependent upon the patient’s own knowledge of the availability of these expensive procedures, Google has only been a recent invention.  Most "conflicted" souls quietly saved up to go over seas.  The uncanny personal sense, and conviction, of having a cross-sexed mind in need of a matching body usually comes long before such knowledge of HRT and SRS is discovered.

Ergo, the conflict.
Typically, a transsexual learns about themselves during childhood and their feelings of belonging to the other sex is very real.  This leads to confusion in the beginning but thankfully levels out within the person in later years.  Today, he or she is sometimes referred to as gay, I was labeled a queer boy.

The idea for SRS becomes the ideal fix but the age for it varied.  It was parents who felt that age to be pre-pubertal or adolescence.  It may have been delayed until the person was in their young adulthood or early middle age.  The individualist obsession to act out on their sexual feelings without the benefit of HRT or SRS was postponed no longer.

Since their closets were filled with Lycra, Spandex, silks and nylons, it followed that falsies, heels, wigs, make up and mirrors made a surge in their lives.  Men would be next.

Public health statistics, in the United States anyway, do not include figures on sexual related problems, including the incidence of "natural" birth defects of the sex organs. 
Were these babies male or female?  Who had the inclination to care?

Voluntary registration of so-called "sex related problems" would fail today because of the social chastisement or potential penalties of self-disclosure.  Therefore, there are no honest estimates of the incidence of transsexualism. 

It is said that post-operative transsexuals in the United States now number in the thousands but certainly not in the tens of thousands.  To be more succinct, in a total United States population of over 220 million people the condition is not as common as most physicians might like to think.


It is also said that it's not so common, perhaps only 1 to 2 percent of the total population, that every physician should NOT expect to treat several cases in the course of his or her medical career.  Some doctors will actually see no cases and some will miss cases because the patient is too apprehensive (scared) to state his or her situation.

This sexual cross-over has gone on since before the Bible was written and it will continue to the end of time.  Calling the affected person a homo will not change things.

Why can't we all just get along?

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Recently read about this on-line, thought I'd add my spin to it.

The word "express" or the term "expression", with regard to sex, does not appear in any law to date.  Not one, none.  I found that amazing.  Laws prohibiting discrimination, bullying, out-right physical attacks, are all over the place, but not one law says anything based on gender identity or gender expression!

In truth, anti-discrimination laws established in most US cities and states do not protect people from anything because laws do not protect, period!  That would be like saying, more pencils will make smarter people.  I don't think so.

These "anti-discrimination" laws merely add an additional layer to an established law which carries its own fine or sentence and most people who would violate that law already know it but don't care.  Being a guy dressed in a pretty yellow outfit won't stop you from being dragged into an alleyway!

Laws, regardless of how they're worded, will not change a person's heart, nor will they amend an attitude, nor will they positively impact upon negative mind sets.  Barry McGuire said it best; "legislation alone, won't bring integration"  I say, we can not expect everyone to be our advocate.

Consequently, even non-expressive gay people, like myself, face one form or another of discrimination in nearly every aspect of their daily lives.  I know I face discrimination every time my landlord's look changes to a leer because he knows about me.  Every time I go shopping everyone seems to know!  And it makes no difference if I'm dressed as a male or a female.

A new policy was implemented by USAID recently and represents an impressive step forward.  But because the policy is not mandatory and does not have the full force of the law behind it, employees in organizations contracting with USAID have absolutely no remedy if the policy is violated.

Really?  Kudos to USAID of course, I guess, but a policy which is NOT mandatory?  Then what good is it to have it?  To just be able to say you got a policy?

In order to protect the rights of transgendered people, the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) continues to urge President Obama to issue an executive order prohibiting all federal contractors from discriminating on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. 

Perhaps the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is a first step in that direction, but we are talking about gays and lesbians, not transgendered or cross dressers.  Might I dare add, if you don't pass don't hold your breath for any federal gender expression laws getting on the books any time soon.

Interestingly, the NCTE and NGLTF also released a finding from a report back in 2001, it was entitled; Injustice at Every Turn.  Very nice title.  While this report confirmed the pervasive and severe discrimination faced by transgendered people, it did not investigate the situation for those who "express" as the opposite sex.  I think of this as a kind of discrimination within our own ranks.

Out of a small sample of nearly 6,500 trans persons, the report found they experienced high levels of discrimination in fields of employment, housing, health care, education, legal, and even in their own families!  And you thought is was just you!  The full report can be found online, just Google it.

Apparently, after 10 years at least, absolutely nothing has changed!  LMFAO!

Transgender people may also have additional identities that affect the types of discrimination they experience.  Simply said, experiencing discrimination of any kind adds significantly to psychological stress and often includes people from sundry racial, ethnic, or religious and minority backgrounds.  Often times individuals are left to wonder whether they were discriminated against solely because of their gender identity or gender expression, or was it their socio-cultural identity, their race, or some combination of all of these! 

How can one possibly know?  Do you ask?  Do you dare?

Worth noting, and also according to the study from 2001, while discrimination is quite pervasive for many transgender people, the main intersection of anti-transgender bias and persistence, is also where structural racism is especially severe.  African American transgendered individuals fare far worse than all other transgender populations examined. 

All.  I find that very note worthy.  I also find it appalling!

The report goes on to say, many transgender people, regardless of race, are the targets of hate crimes, but there are simply no laws addressing that issue.  Hate AND Gender Expression.  These transgender persons are simply considered victims of a unique and subtle form of discrimination.  I mean, honestly!  This kind of discrimination can include everything from a disapproving glare, an extremely mean verbal attack, a statement about specific body parts or the typical physical attack.  This kind of discrimination usually produces some level of discomfort.

Say it ain't so!

People who engage in this type of activity are usually nothing less than invasive, usually vulgar, and total brutes.

So, where does it all end?  My guess is when society decides it ends.  I'm not holding my breath.

Monday, January 23, 2012

I read Trans-blogs all the time

I read Trans-blogs all the time.  I recently read one on Femulate by Stana and it made me want to post this thought to my own blog.

I got the distinct impression her's was a question regarding money.  The "struggling family" she mentions smacks so much of exploitation, the funding for it only re-enforces my suspicions and beliefs.

Ironically, I just watched a movie on HBO just last night called "Cinema Verite".  The movie claimed to be true and, in the credits at the end, it hi-lighted each person involved.  It was about a real family in Santa Barbra, California, during the 70s.  It also said this movie actually started the "reality TV" craze we take for granted today.  Directed by Craig Gilbert in 1972, the movie was seen by many people at PBS as a success.  The movie was titled An American Family.

My interest, of course, was not peaked because the movie was true or because of the characters chosen, the family also happened to have a homosexual boy character who left home to go to NYC to find himself.  That sounded very nice to me and, in fact, he was living a very significant facet of my own personal fantasy.  I was actually a bit jealous of him.  While Lance was an obvious homosexual, I fell to the pressures from my own biological family and society norms and developed to a much less outwardly sufficient degree.  I didn't become like him but I developed inside myself.

So, I made some popcorn and settled in for a good movie.  I was not disappointed.  He fell hopelessly in love with a person who worked on stage as a cross dressing female.  He was my kind of boy!  Naturally, I felt his exposure was very limited but the movie was about a much larger thing.  A social thought, a really big idea.  One I had much interest in. Or so I thought.

His mother made a visit to his place in NYC, which was filmed, and when she learned about her son's relationship she said only mildly significant things about it.  The fact of Lance's blatant homosexuality was also not talked about by her at any time.  She was on camera, however, and I felt that particular topic might've been taboo.

His NYC life, which I suspect had boundaries of its own, was filmed in todo but with no input from his mother and no knowledge of his father.  The boy had carte blanc to live his life the way he wanted.  Sounds like a pretty "normal" life to me now.  Lance contracted HIV, became very ill and passed away in 2001 at the age of 50.  For those who care, he was NOT alone.

The film, The American Family, at the very first screening of it, in the title the word "Family" was shown with cracks running all through it.  It was quickly seen by the majority of the masses as an American Freak Show.  My thoughts, as I saw those scenes and well after the movie was over, ran to a rut I call, "some things never change".  I was particularly glad to see the "Family" fought back!

This movie might not be so similar to the flick Stana mentioned on Femulate, but I always feel when ever money is involved it seems to have a strange but unrelenting way of talking.  Unfortunately, so does society!  No matter the people, no matter the conditions, no matter the story, there are always throngs of humans who are conflicted. 

So, is it better that we trannies spend our money on ourselves FOR our admirers while keeping our secrets to ourselves?  I think not.  The world is teeming with admirers.

See ya out there!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

I read a post and it reminded me of . . . .

Actually I saw a cartoon and it made me recall how strongly I felt I was a female.  It also made me think that maybe the reason I was so ready to do the oral thing for boys and men was because I was compensating.  It never occurred to me, not once, that what I did was wrong.  The thing I did also led me to beg men to let me sit on their hard-ons.  That, if you don't already know, is unlike anything on Earth.  It is more closely matched to going to heaven!

Simply said, and I know it's cliche, I've always really been a girl in a boy's body!

When I was very young I used to think I was just a mixed up boy who had a need to behave like a very bad girl.  I couldn't explain it.  I was used as an oral play thing for every male friend I had!  And I had plenty of male friends!

To paraphrase their words; did they "give" me a good mouth fucking or did I "take it" from them?  I know I willingly played a part, but did I control a guy's semen?  Did they feel any better than me when we were done?  I don't think so!  I often told them not to jack off, that they could feed me their full loads of semen.  I was called many dirty and disgusting names as they laughed.  These boys were simply wrong about me and the oddest thing was, that I seemed to know it!

I learned about boys and sex pretty fast and invented a game I called, "Who wins what?"

In my mind, we both won!

I'm not a woman, never was and I will never really be one, but as a youngster I thought we had the best thing going ever, we had a secret!  And yes, the guys didn't want to be seen talking to me in day-light back then, and in fact I had to be careful not to get beaten up just for being a queer!  The make-up and dress, the "hook ups" and low morals have changed nothing, they still want to take me into the bathroom stalls and parked cars, but they don't want to be seen talking to me and I'm still fearful of getting beaten up or worse! 

Guess, some things never change!

I know I'm not a man and I'm not a woman, I'm just a simple homosexual who enjoys being a MTF Transvestite behind closed doors.  Once word gets out that I suck cock, like to get fucked, and wear dresses and make up, I'm usually scratched off most female lists.

I feel that's all for the best.

An honest female most likely wouldn't want to waste her time fooling with me in the boy mask I wear.  I think it's far better to show the real me because everyone can see that I can't be the big, strong, masculine man.  I'm just like any female soul, I'm hoping for love but resigned to being a slut and getting only the NSA sex!

In many ways I'm exactly like a real woman, I'm seen by most men as a partner for nothing more and what I do is not much different from faking a climax.  Ladies you know who you are!

When I sashay up to a register, nails polished, mini-skirt showing lots of nylon covered thighs, fake lashes glued in place, my tiny black clutch in my hand, I hope to enjoy the fact that every man's eyes are on me.  I also do not delude myself that some eyes are looking at me with lots of disgust!  Many females who once thought I was a man might even hate.

I doubt I make a better looking woman than most GGs do and I'm very sorry, ladies, I didn't mean to hurt you by pretending to be a man.  It's simply not my fault that I am what I am.  I can not accept blame for having fooled you for so long, I blame society! 

If I'm seen as somehow cruel, again, I'm sorry.