Sunday, April 8, 2012

Another look at my life

I'm very happy for boys and girls who are cross-sexed, but knowing society as I do, I'm also a bit afraid for them, too!  I read many blogs that talk about being cross-sexed and the terms used are so complicated.  I guess I was too at the ripe old age of 4 or 6, however, lmao!

Apparently, we cross-sexed people seem to know at a very early age exactly what our feelings are telling us.  It's mostly people around us who are confused.  I was a bit more lucky than most because I grew up in the San Francisco bay area where I was simply seen as just another queer who happened to like wearing female clothing.  No one understood cross sexed persons back then.

I've not been accepted by the people I care about to include my biological family and siblings.  Oddly enough, my happiest memories have been the stolen moments I spent with admiring boys.  God, what risks I used to take for them!

Let me re-tell a story about one incident regarding my cross dressing in public. 

I was in my late teen years and already fairly experienced with men, I thoroughly loved the excitement of having wanton oral sex with a man.  I was riding in a jitney bus alone going up Mission street and the seat I was in faced riders on the opposite side.  A man occupied one such seat.

It was early 1970 and I saw myself as a pioneer, I was wearing a rather fitted, obviously short dress.  I had on shear toe to tummy shinny black pantyhose and my typical loud pink panties over them, with my usual cream white patent leather spiked heels.  I smelled feminine, acted feminine, and I looked feminine. 

As I settled into my seat I noticed the man was staring at me.  Well not at me exactly, he was looking under my dress at my pink panties.  I smiled at him.  I was flattered and embarrassed at the same time.  I soon couldn't help but notice he was also slowly masturbating as he looked at me!  We made eye contact and he used his other hand to indicate I should open my legs.  I winked at him as I complied.  The other men could easily see he was masturbating but they looked at me too and said nothing.  I felt pretty good because I could make this guy jack off just by looking at me! 

A woman saw him, looked at me, and asked what was wrong with me?  She scolded me to close my legs.  She said, as a girl, I had no right to lead him on and that what I was doing was classless and bad!  She then told the driver what was going on.  The driver stopped, got out, and came back to the body of the jitney and told the man he better stop his disgusting game.  He then looked at me quizzically and asked, "Are you a real girl?"

I told him the truth.

The woman went off on me!  She called me a homosexual and faggot.  She said she never saw a boy in a girl's dress before and said it was boys like me who gave girls a bad reputation.  She was obviously flabbergasted at one acting the way I was.  She stormed off the jitney without paying. 

I opened my purse and offered to pay her fare but the driver just shook his head as he climbed back into his driver's seat and pulled away from the curb.  The man went back to looking under my dress and mastrubated himself as if nothing happened.  I just sat there and licked my lips, I had every intention of encouraging him!  I also wanted to watch him flog his meat.

After only a few blocks I couldn't take it any longer, so I asked if he wanted to get off with me.  I assured him, I could make sure he would get off on me in more ways than just one!  He shook his head yes and said, "I'd like that." 

I extended my invitation to the other two men and one guy looked me up and down but said nothing, the other said, "No thank you, you he/she bitch.  I don't fuck boys!"  I told him, he had no idea what he was missing!

The interested man and I got off at the next stop together.  He took me by the hand and we squeezed between two buildings into the middle of a field of grass where he told me to get down on my knees.  I did as he told me and waited.  I thought I saw another person look out from a window and my heart began to beat a mile a minute and my breath was comming in so fast I thought I would pass out!

I was excited by the idea we might get caught!

He opened his pants and I could see he was totally hard.  His hard-on was as white as any I've ever seen growing out of a patch of almost black curly hair, it was stiff as a piece of wood with a purple bulbous head.  I practically drooled.  He said, "All the boys who look like you give me a hard on!"  I smiled.  He told me he was going to do his best to make a real women out of me.  When he said that, I was not scared of him at all, he was allowing me to willingly play the role of a naughty woman.

He told me to open my mouth and I complied.  He proceeded to fuck my face!  There was no kissing, no touching, no rubbing, no nothing.  Just me chocking on his wood as he pushed it into my mouth and my surprise that he was done with me in less than 10 minutes!  I could taste and smell his ejaculate and my face was a mess and my dress had a total man mess all over it.  He smiled down at me and said now I looked like a real woman.  I smiled up at him.  He told me he would leave first and I was to remain where I was for about ten more minutes. 

I remember telling him "thank you" and kissing his softening prick as e pulled it away from me and put it back in his pants.  I knew I would have to fix my makeup and I heard him laugh and say he left me on my knees, he sounded like a very happy man.  I watched him go away.

I stood and fixed my makeup and the person looking out the window behind the blinds never came out to take advantage of me.  I walked the rest of the way home feeling very accomplished and knowing full well he never thanked me.  A few men tooted their car horns at me as I walked home. 

I used to long to be a real female, to have a vagina and breasts, but I don't let not having them, or anything else, stop me from doing everything and anything I want.

1 comment:

  1. I love this post. I am 50. And completely struggeling with the split sex situation. I recently saw a picture of myself at 17 and wonderd at it. what if I conformed to a traditional lifestyle instead of being gay?
    How old are you? What will you look back upon when your middle aged?