Sunday, January 8, 2012

I read a post and it reminded me of . . . .

Actually I saw a cartoon and it made me recall how strongly I felt I was a female.  It also made me think that maybe the reason I was so ready to do the oral thing for boys and men was because I was compensating.  It never occurred to me, not once, that what I did was wrong.  The thing I did also led me to beg men to let me sit on their hard-ons.  That, if you don't already know, is unlike anything on Earth.  It is more closely matched to going to heaven!

Simply said, and I know it's cliche, I've always really been a girl in a boy's body!

When I was very young I used to think I was just a mixed up boy who had a need to behave like a very bad girl.  I couldn't explain it.  I was used as an oral play thing for every male friend I had!  And I had plenty of male friends!

To paraphrase their words; did they "give" me a good mouth fucking or did I "take it" from them?  I know I willingly played a part, but did I control a guy's semen?  Did they feel any better than me when we were done?  I don't think so!  I often told them not to jack off, that they could feed me their full loads of semen.  I was called many dirty and disgusting names as they laughed.  These boys were simply wrong about me and the oddest thing was, that I seemed to know it!

I learned about boys and sex pretty fast and invented a game I called, "Who wins what?"

In my mind, we both won!

I'm not a woman, never was and I will never really be one, but as a youngster I thought we had the best thing going ever, we had a secret!  And yes, the guys didn't want to be seen talking to me in day-light back then, and in fact I had to be careful not to get beaten up just for being a queer!  The make-up and dress, the "hook ups" and low morals have changed nothing, they still want to take me into the bathroom stalls and parked cars, but they don't want to be seen talking to me and I'm still fearful of getting beaten up or worse! 

Guess, some things never change!

I know I'm not a man and I'm not a woman, I'm just a simple homosexual who enjoys being a MTF Transvestite behind closed doors.  Once word gets out that I suck cock, like to get fucked, and wear dresses and make up, I'm usually scratched off most female lists.

I feel that's all for the best.

An honest female most likely wouldn't want to waste her time fooling with me in the boy mask I wear.  I think it's far better to show the real me because everyone can see that I can't be the big, strong, masculine man.  I'm just like any female soul, I'm hoping for love but resigned to being a slut and getting only the NSA sex!

In many ways I'm exactly like a real woman, I'm seen by most men as a partner for nothing more and what I do is not much different from faking a climax.  Ladies you know who you are!

When I sashay up to a register, nails polished, mini-skirt showing lots of nylon covered thighs, fake lashes glued in place, my tiny black clutch in my hand, I hope to enjoy the fact that every man's eyes are on me.  I also do not delude myself that some eyes are looking at me with lots of disgust!  Many females who once thought I was a man might even hate.

I doubt I make a better looking woman than most GGs do and I'm very sorry, ladies, I didn't mean to hurt you by pretending to be a man.  It's simply not my fault that I am what I am.  I can not accept blame for having fooled you for so long, I blame society! 

If I'm seen as somehow cruel, again, I'm sorry.

1 comment:

  1. I don't share your attitude to some things, but I like the way that you think them through. You're gutsier than me, I suspect.