I read Calie’s blog called Uncorking the Demons and immediately identified with the character Ruth in the movie Normal! That caused me to think about my own transition ordeals. I didn't suffer in the exactly the same ways as Ruth but I had my moments! I certainly lost my fair share of jobs!
If memory serves, I grew up as a part of a very “normal” family because I simply didn't know any better. We weren’t so dysfunctional, although love for each other was in extremely short supply, but I lived with it anyway. I thought every family was just like mine!
When I was as young as 9 or 10 my mother would warn me about boys who might want just one thing from a boy like me! I didn’t understand her. She would often straighten my hair and tell me I looked pretty but I needed to be very careful, I always got the biggest kiss and the strongest hug from her. I was confused by her coded warnings but quickly learned exactly what she was talking about! It’s true, boys will be boys and the more the merrier!
I became extremely popular, but as a girl not as a boy! Some boys would dress me up and take their turns with me. What did I know?
I told my mother about these boys and she insisted I not tell my father. I have no reason to think she did. My older sister began quietly calling me the family fag. She asked me if I let boys shoot their “jizz” in my mouth or on my face. I thought that was a normal question and when I told her it depended on the situation, she asked me if I liked being their nasty little bitch. I didn’t understand her question, I didn't answer. She took off all her clothes one day and told me to come into her room and look at her naked body. She said, “Take a real good look at my pussy! Queers like you don’t have one of these!" She told me to get out of her room and called me a little fagot!
My brother said I was maybe just a hermaphrodite. I looked that word up at school and was relieved to learn he felt that way about me. In retrospect, I wonder if he was perhaps struggling with his own sexuality?
I was chastised by my family in many ways, I haven’t had contact with them for over 45 years! I knew about my father’s and my mother’s passing but missed them both. When I think about them I do cry.
I tried to go straight for the sake of society. Mother said the marriage wouldn’t last long and she was to be proven right!
My wife, in the biological family I created, caught me dressed. She said I made a very ugly woman! She was angry and asked me, “What kind of man does this for other men?” I was in a kind of denial and shock and could only hang my head in shame, I had no answers for her.
She told me to take off everything I was wearing (like my mother did!) And she took pictures of me as I undressed. She told me to go wash the make-up off my face and, while I was in the shower, she burned my entire outfit in the bar-b-que!
Many months passed incident free but I found myself sneaking out as a female. My wife was supposed to be out of town but I was caught totally by surprise when she returned unannounced. I was in full make up and dressed like a whore. I was also well into performing oral sex on another man! While putting his pants back on the guy looked down at me and asked if we could meet some place so I could finish! I couldn’t believe it, I told him to just leave! My wife told me to gather up my things and get out. We soon got divorced.
I spoke with our children some time later and they said I ran away and abandoned them! They were very angry with me. I tried to explain that while I may have "run away" the abandonment part is NOT true nor is it accurate. I've never turned my back on them! I explained that I created a loving family and keeping that family together for over 30 years is what held me together. I don’t think they bought it.
The more I was away from my family the more I noticed I was reverting to the easiness of womanhood. I was allowing those feelings to take hold of me. I accepted that I was a bit of a queer but I also happened to get much joy from dressing like a female. I seriously doubt my family would’ve approved or been OK with me doing either but maybe I’m wrong.
I honestly did my best. Now I’m alone except for the occasional blog.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wow! What can I say?
I'm fresh back from reading some blogs.
I have come to realize the Trans-world has proponents well seated in all camps. I've also come to realize I feel some do more harm than good, they confuse rather than make clear.
Most all blogs have good points with some weak issues of course but some points are just more solid to me while I find others lacking. In the final analysis it's up to me to sift through them and decide which ones I'll believe.
Having said that, I'm greatful for all the bloggers who post about the Trans-situation because no one of rapor seems to want to talk about it yet not one of us can do it alone!
When a blogger attacks a commonly held notion or a unique idea and gives thier impressions they expand my horizons. They make me think and, sometimes, I even change my mind!
I must confess, that while some ideas and arguments enlighten me, others merely cause me to close my mental doors. This is especially true when a blogger attacks another person.
IMHO, it is they who waste their precious time, talent and effort. I've never found any of that to be productive or enlightening and I feel it's a total waste and a crying shame.
I'll keep reading as long as you keep posting! Thanks for feeding my head.
I have come to realize the Trans-world has proponents well seated in all camps. I've also come to realize I feel some do more harm than good, they confuse rather than make clear.
Most all blogs have good points with some weak issues of course but some points are just more solid to me while I find others lacking. In the final analysis it's up to me to sift through them and decide which ones I'll believe.
Having said that, I'm greatful for all the bloggers who post about the Trans-situation because no one of rapor seems to want to talk about it yet not one of us can do it alone!
When a blogger attacks a commonly held notion or a unique idea and gives thier impressions they expand my horizons. They make me think and, sometimes, I even change my mind!
I must confess, that while some ideas and arguments enlighten me, others merely cause me to close my mental doors. This is especially true when a blogger attacks another person.
IMHO, it is they who waste their precious time, talent and effort. I've never found any of that to be productive or enlightening and I feel it's a total waste and a crying shame.
I'll keep reading as long as you keep posting! Thanks for feeding my head.
Towleroad dot com
Just got turned on to Towleroad dot com. The reference mentioned a movie named, Ticked off Trannies with Knives! My friend cited this movie as vengeance at its prettiest!
I read many comments on site and, it's always sad to have a dedication to a movie about a person who was a woman but is now dead, possibly murdered, just because she used to be a man!
And we all know there are many others!
When will humanity learn that just leaving humans to their own ways is NOT a bad thing?
Sad to say, I'm afraid that's not gonna happen in this life-time.
I read many comments on site and, it's always sad to have a dedication to a movie about a person who was a woman but is now dead, possibly murdered, just because she used to be a man!
And we all know there are many others!
When will humanity learn that just leaving humans to their own ways is NOT a bad thing?
Sad to say, I'm afraid that's not gonna happen in this life-time.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
An innocent conversation
As a Transvestite some things about me truly are fake but EVERYTHING about me is NOT!
In all fairness I do certain things which can be called fake but they’re not much different from anything a real woman might do. In my opinion the things I do simply make me look more attractive and more womanly.
I wear make-up. I shave my beard then apply a beard cover and I shave my eyebrows. A really good foundation, three shades of eye make up, blush, bright lipstick, false lashes and a nice wig and my face is complete. I regularly wear false nails, jewelry and perfume.
For clothes, I wear heavily padded bras with falsies, heavily boned corsets to make my waist smaller and modified padded curve enhancing panties under my modified pantyhose. I wear tight slips, sheer pantyhose and contrasting colored panties on the outside of my pantyhose so men can see them. I like high-high heels and my dress or skirt is almost always too short.
Whenever I go out, either as a man or a woman, I do my absolute best to look as sexy as possible. I’m hoping some guy picks me up for a couple hours of wanton “fun” and I promise not to whine!
While everything about me externally can be said to be fake what I feel in my heart can not!
I have an impassioned love for men and have felt it since I was 9 years old! I can not explain it, I just know these feelings are deeply seated within me. Call me crazy but I simply live to please a man.
I don’t believe I can help myself! How about you? Are we so different?
In all fairness I do certain things which can be called fake but they’re not much different from anything a real woman might do. In my opinion the things I do simply make me look more attractive and more womanly.
I wear make-up. I shave my beard then apply a beard cover and I shave my eyebrows. A really good foundation, three shades of eye make up, blush, bright lipstick, false lashes and a nice wig and my face is complete. I regularly wear false nails, jewelry and perfume.
For clothes, I wear heavily padded bras with falsies, heavily boned corsets to make my waist smaller and modified padded curve enhancing panties under my modified pantyhose. I wear tight slips, sheer pantyhose and contrasting colored panties on the outside of my pantyhose so men can see them. I like high-high heels and my dress or skirt is almost always too short.
Whenever I go out, either as a man or a woman, I do my absolute best to look as sexy as possible. I’m hoping some guy picks me up for a couple hours of wanton “fun” and I promise not to whine!
While everything about me externally can be said to be fake what I feel in my heart can not!
I have an impassioned love for men and have felt it since I was 9 years old! I can not explain it, I just know these feelings are deeply seated within me. Call me crazy but I simply live to please a man.
I don’t believe I can help myself! How about you? Are we so different?
Saturday, May 21, 2011
I forget the link or I’d post it for you
I recently read an article on-line someplace, like I said, I forget the link or I’d post it for you, which made me think about conversations I had with real women and fellatio and anal sex. When I think back on those conversations they were fraught with conflict and almost bordered on hostility.
Could it be that real women willingly accept me simply because I’m not a real man?
Wow! Another question to ponder!
The conversations took place of course because I’ve never understood how almost all real woman can say it's OK for a man to be gay, yet, they balk at their own man who wants a little anal sex. So I asked them, what’s a GG’s preference? They told me they only did it because he wanted it and they said they used that particular sex act, without mentioning it directly, as a means to get something in exchange later. I thought, pretty sneaky!
That made me wonder. Did he want to make anal sex part of a routine sex schedule? Maybe he did but she didn’t! It certainly explains to me why we T-girls seem to meet so many married men. They thoroughly enjoy anal sex but they don’t get it at home!
Many GG's have told me, from their perspective, they view anal sex as merely a form of birth control. Most women do not do it. They admit to using their mouths, which some have claimed is done as much as three times per day! They almost all said they do not like doing anal or giving head as a substitute for sex.
Speaking for myself, giving some guy a blow job three times a day might be great, but giving three different guys blow jobs in the course of a single day would be my idea of living in pure heaven!
With regard to homosexuals, both male and female, GG’s have told me that gay females can simply use a dildo to sexually satisfy their partner using her vagina. They also told me, laughingly, that if they were gay they’d use the double ended kinds! I guess most GG’s are not so different from the rest of us!
They've also told me they feel sorry for a gay man like me because we’re limited. We male gays seem to be relegated to use what we have, which is our mouths and our anuses. Personally, I think two out of three ain’t bad! In many ways I was kind of offended.
My questions then, is anal or oral sex a humiliating sex act? Tells me it's not.
As a closeted T-girl, I especially don't think it is. I’ve done a few orals and took it in my back-side a few times while in front of large, bare, apartment window, knowing we were being watched via telescopes. I did it simply because he said he wanted me to do it that way. When it was done in full view of neighbors they usually just watched, never did they question us.
No matter, because it merely gave me the usual and customary semen which I see as a kind of therapy and nothing odd or threatening ever happened to either of us!
If oral or anal sex is a humiliating sex act then I've been humiliated by lots of men over my life time! But I also wear a dress, so, maybe I'm just really confused.
Could it be that real women willingly accept me simply because I’m not a real man?
Wow! Another question to ponder!
The conversations took place of course because I’ve never understood how almost all real woman can say it's OK for a man to be gay, yet, they balk at their own man who wants a little anal sex. So I asked them, what’s a GG’s preference? They told me they only did it because he wanted it and they said they used that particular sex act, without mentioning it directly, as a means to get something in exchange later. I thought, pretty sneaky!
That made me wonder. Did he want to make anal sex part of a routine sex schedule? Maybe he did but she didn’t! It certainly explains to me why we T-girls seem to meet so many married men. They thoroughly enjoy anal sex but they don’t get it at home!
Many GG's have told me, from their perspective, they view anal sex as merely a form of birth control. Most women do not do it. They admit to using their mouths, which some have claimed is done as much as three times per day! They almost all said they do not like doing anal or giving head as a substitute for sex.
Speaking for myself, giving some guy a blow job three times a day might be great, but giving three different guys blow jobs in the course of a single day would be my idea of living in pure heaven!
With regard to homosexuals, both male and female, GG’s have told me that gay females can simply use a dildo to sexually satisfy their partner using her vagina. They also told me, laughingly, that if they were gay they’d use the double ended kinds! I guess most GG’s are not so different from the rest of us!
They've also told me they feel sorry for a gay man like me because we’re limited. We male gays seem to be relegated to use what we have, which is our mouths and our anuses. Personally, I think two out of three ain’t bad! In many ways I was kind of offended.
My questions then, is anal or oral sex a humiliating sex act? Tells me it's not.
As a closeted T-girl, I especially don't think it is. I’ve done a few orals and took it in my back-side a few times while in front of large, bare, apartment window, knowing we were being watched via telescopes. I did it simply because he said he wanted me to do it that way. When it was done in full view of neighbors they usually just watched, never did they question us.
No matter, because it merely gave me the usual and customary semen which I see as a kind of therapy and nothing odd or threatening ever happened to either of us!
If oral or anal sex is a humiliating sex act then I've been humiliated by lots of men over my life time! But I also wear a dress, so, maybe I'm just really confused.
Friday, April 29, 2011
This is rediculous!
How can someone be asked to resign for citing a peer-reviewed paper?
Dr. Greenfield, M.D. was. Let me begin by stating this doctor is no ordinary surgeon. Until last week he was the president-elect of the American College of Surgeons and the inventor of the Greenfield Filter, a device that prevents blood clots during surgery. No doubt it has has saved countless lives. He's been awarded professor emeritus of surgery at the University of Michigan and has written more than 360 scientific articles in peer-reviewed journals. Additionaly, he has written over 128 book chapters and two textbooks. He has also served on the Editorial Board of 15 scientific journals and was the lead editor of the Surgery News, a trade publication in which his writing initiated the odd termed "Semengate". He wrote an article (with a related paper) regarding the qualities of semen and because of a bad joke about Saint Valentine's Day, semen and chocolate, he was forced to resign.
I see his resignation as pure politics, not evidence of any type or kind. I see his resignation as more a reflection of the anti-scientific attitudes of segments of this "civil society" we've created and some self-righteous and indignant members within the American College of Surgeons. It is my opinion they're wrong to have forced this particular issue and missed a great teaching opportunity. I have always thought Science was based on evidence not politics and, in science unlike politics, knowing is always preferable to not knowing.
It is a biological fact that a mere 5 percent of a man's ejaculate is sperm. What's left is semen, a simple seminal plasma which is rich in chemicals including many which have the potential to produce mood-altering effects. These effects are derived from hormones, neuro-transmitters, and endorphins, all quite natural chemicals produced by humans biologically! There are even female sex hormones in male semen and within an hour or two after insemination heightened levels of many of these same chemicals can be detected within a woman's bloodstream.
In my gut I always knew there was a very good reason to swallow a man's semen. Oral sex with men has always made me feel good. I'm sadened to see Dr. Greenfield go.
Dr. Greenfield, M.D. was. Let me begin by stating this doctor is no ordinary surgeon. Until last week he was the president-elect of the American College of Surgeons and the inventor of the Greenfield Filter, a device that prevents blood clots during surgery. No doubt it has has saved countless lives. He's been awarded professor emeritus of surgery at the University of Michigan and has written more than 360 scientific articles in peer-reviewed journals. Additionaly, he has written over 128 book chapters and two textbooks. He has also served on the Editorial Board of 15 scientific journals and was the lead editor of the Surgery News, a trade publication in which his writing initiated the odd termed "Semengate". He wrote an article (with a related paper) regarding the qualities of semen and because of a bad joke about Saint Valentine's Day, semen and chocolate, he was forced to resign.
I see his resignation as pure politics, not evidence of any type or kind. I see his resignation as more a reflection of the anti-scientific attitudes of segments of this "civil society" we've created and some self-righteous and indignant members within the American College of Surgeons. It is my opinion they're wrong to have forced this particular issue and missed a great teaching opportunity. I have always thought Science was based on evidence not politics and, in science unlike politics, knowing is always preferable to not knowing.
It is a biological fact that a mere 5 percent of a man's ejaculate is sperm. What's left is semen, a simple seminal plasma which is rich in chemicals including many which have the potential to produce mood-altering effects. These effects are derived from hormones, neuro-transmitters, and endorphins, all quite natural chemicals produced by humans biologically! There are even female sex hormones in male semen and within an hour or two after insemination heightened levels of many of these same chemicals can be detected within a woman's bloodstream.
In my gut I always knew there was a very good reason to swallow a man's semen. Oral sex with men has always made me feel good. I'm sadened to see Dr. Greenfield go.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wanted to get this out before April Fool's
The biggest advantage for group membership is community. I'm a gay man, married with children and I like to dress like a woman, including the make up and jewelry. I also thoroughly enjoy behaving badly with men. So, to be fair to me, I need my own place!
Before becoming another closet queer, I decided I would not be a participant of any group and that had the uncanny ability for bringing lots of privacy to my particular situation. I see no advantage in joining most groups and, in fact, I think in most cases it's absolutely wasteful unless you seek advocacy, approval, blessing, or some other support for your self. If you just seek company, well I'm told misery loves company, but in all seriousness . . . .
As a "sister" I know my experience has always been about the sex only and I think it's only fair that most men I meet are cautious, especially about meeting a "tranny" for the first time sight unseen! I like to think of them as simply being nervous because I'm also nervous about meeting them! I’d point them to my web-page but, unfortunately, not everyone has a computer! In most cases I think it’s safe to say he does not wish to get caught with me and he probably doesn’t want to be seen with me in public places where he’s well known either!
While there are men enough who admire us effeminate and accommodating man-tramps they usually don't want to be seen with one because they have a wife, children, a career or all of the above. That being the case I try to make it easy for them by going for uncrowded neutral places or empty bars and, because it’s the first time we’re meeting, I let them know I’m not dressing like a whore! If they’re nice to me I give them a pretty calling card with my name and number on the front and my mini-skirt picture on the back. If they want a repeat, they can just call me, they can make an appointment, a kind of date with me. These guys may be slow to respond to my emails and they may be nothing more than thrill seekers, but I'll take them in secret moments of lust any time!
I've met very good, and nice, men knowing they knew full well about me beforehand and only wanted me for a few moments of NSA sex. I admit I sleep very well! I've been both flattered and flabbergasted at some of the things they say to me, the demands they make on me, and the tips they give me! Oh yes, they do tip! That comes from people who care and understand that other people (even men who wear dresses and behave like naughty little girls!) actually work in the real world and have regular and usual expenses. Yes, it’s true, we Transvestites also have other responsibilities.
So, as you can read, I’m not too thrilled about meeting with large numbers of people who don’t know me because that usually leads to rude and inconsiderate people saying all manner of things. I’d simply rather avoid that scene.
The men I don’t care for are the never ending stream of “admirers” who are the ones who advertise in the "for free" papers and have on-line posts with unachievably high expectations. They actually make me laugh despite the depth of their sadness. They must think every T-girl is just sitting around their comfy apartment, dolled up looking like a professional (Ru Paul Drag Queen or a street walking whore!) just scanning the ads desperately seeking an opportunity to worship some guys manly parts. NOT!
They almost all say they prefer that the T-girl host the affair and this will be seen as mutual respect or discretion by them. Please don't make me laugh so hard! Those types of guys will NEVER get as much as the correct time of day from a “tranny” like me! I simply see their ads as a complete waste of my talent and my effort, but if that's what they want, that's what they’ll get!
Happy April Fools Day!!
Before becoming another closet queer, I decided I would not be a participant of any group and that had the uncanny ability for bringing lots of privacy to my particular situation. I see no advantage in joining most groups and, in fact, I think in most cases it's absolutely wasteful unless you seek advocacy, approval, blessing, or some other support for your self. If you just seek company, well I'm told misery loves company, but in all seriousness . . . .
As a "sister" I know my experience has always been about the sex only and I think it's only fair that most men I meet are cautious, especially about meeting a "tranny" for the first time sight unseen! I like to think of them as simply being nervous because I'm also nervous about meeting them! I’d point them to my web-page but, unfortunately, not everyone has a computer! In most cases I think it’s safe to say he does not wish to get caught with me and he probably doesn’t want to be seen with me in public places where he’s well known either!
While there are men enough who admire us effeminate and accommodating man-tramps they usually don't want to be seen with one because they have a wife, children, a career or all of the above. That being the case I try to make it easy for them by going for uncrowded neutral places or empty bars and, because it’s the first time we’re meeting, I let them know I’m not dressing like a whore! If they’re nice to me I give them a pretty calling card with my name and number on the front and my mini-skirt picture on the back. If they want a repeat, they can just call me, they can make an appointment, a kind of date with me. These guys may be slow to respond to my emails and they may be nothing more than thrill seekers, but I'll take them in secret moments of lust any time!
I've met very good, and nice, men knowing they knew full well about me beforehand and only wanted me for a few moments of NSA sex. I admit I sleep very well! I've been both flattered and flabbergasted at some of the things they say to me, the demands they make on me, and the tips they give me! Oh yes, they do tip! That comes from people who care and understand that other people (even men who wear dresses and behave like naughty little girls!) actually work in the real world and have regular and usual expenses. Yes, it’s true, we Transvestites also have other responsibilities.
So, as you can read, I’m not too thrilled about meeting with large numbers of people who don’t know me because that usually leads to rude and inconsiderate people saying all manner of things. I’d simply rather avoid that scene.
The men I don’t care for are the never ending stream of “admirers” who are the ones who advertise in the "for free" papers and have on-line posts with unachievably high expectations. They actually make me laugh despite the depth of their sadness. They must think every T-girl is just sitting around their comfy apartment, dolled up looking like a professional (Ru Paul Drag Queen or a street walking whore!) just scanning the ads desperately seeking an opportunity to worship some guys manly parts. NOT!
They almost all say they prefer that the T-girl host the affair and this will be seen as mutual respect or discretion by them. Please don't make me laugh so hard! Those types of guys will NEVER get as much as the correct time of day from a “tranny” like me! I simply see their ads as a complete waste of my talent and my effort, but if that's what they want, that's what they’ll get!
Happy April Fools Day!!
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